Staged

 Audience saw what they see on stage. Behind the scenes, what it would be like. Only the people who were behind that screen will know. Either one, they couldn’t exist without each other. Without the stage, there are no behind the scenes and without stage, there would be no Audience. For a successful show, it is about both.

I need to reduce it to everyday scene. At this point, where am I? Am I the audience, back stage or front stage? It could felt like a switch in roles from time to time. Everything is staged. Do you know what happened in between when you fell asleep? Do the people on stage knows that when the audience is asleep? Do you know the back stage people might be asleep? Front stage, everyone will know if you are definitely. Unless, your act was to sleep. You are a tree or bench or a flower. I may not have done everything but I was a part. If I wasn’t, then there is no point for me being there.

I think there is a “worry” about me going to toilet too many times, being too early or being late, no OT or have OT, do too much or do nothing, do reporting or not reporting but whatever I did felt like I am being scrutinised. Whether I did it or didn’t, it’s like a crime. If I did, I would make up the time. Would I make it up, nobody knows. How much was done, nobody would know. How would they know about code? The time it took to perfect everything. Explanation will just make things worst. I shouldn’t have been here was the main thing. Problems. Problems and Problems. Apart of problems, you have to deal with many other things. Mainly, I think I am just a foreign object that exist. If it is so difficult of me being here, I will leave on my own accord. Tell me a date, Today, Tomorrow, the week after or the month after. 

Respect is regardless of the position or the job you hold. Everyone deserves respect as a human. If you don’t, people won’t. Even if you did, people won’t. There will always be people who does. 

Things I will find tomorrow, who knows. I might be on a flight to somewhere else. Or I might be where I was supposed to be. Or nowhere. Things get much more complicated. It was not the first time and will it be the last? We can always decide but once done, there is no second chance. There are times there is but if you break it again and again, it might run out. Everything falls apart. 

I need to break free from this cycle. I needed to see what’s outside.