2020

 Audience saw what they see on stage. Behind the scenes, what it would be like. Only the people who were behind that screen will know. Either one, they couldn’t exist without each other. Without the stage, there are no behind the scenes and without stage, there would be no Audience. For a successful show, it is about both. I need to reduce it to everyday scene. At this point, where am I? Am I the audience, back stage or front stage? It could felt like a switch in roles from time to time. Everything is staged. Do you know what happened in between when you fell asleep? Do the people on stage knows that when the audience is asleep? Do you know the back stage people might be asleep? Front stage, everyone will know if you are definitely. Unless, your act was to sleep. You are a tree or bench or a flower. I may not have done everything but I was a part. If I wasn’t, then there is no point for me being there. I think there is a “worry” about me going to toilet too many times, being too ea...

 I think I have Computer addiction. The funny thing was, after I have a shower, I realised I forgot about something that I needed to upload to drive since I couldn’t when I was at work with my hotspot. It failed. File size was too large. I quickly turn on my laptop and after completing, I walked around and realised my headache was gone. I didn’t even have my extra shots of caffeine. Could it be that I never even look at my laptop since yesterday til now. After shower I was thinking if I should sleep instead of doing a little bit of work or studying. I worried I will get worst tomorrow. I don’t really want it to escalate to migraine which is the most terrible feeling in the www - whole wide world. Although, it’s a pain to work but migraine is much worst than that. I am fine now… It could be the laptop screen. The daily dose of blue light maybe. Now I have to drag myself to work. I have to check-in my work and also, I think I needed two versions. After all, I have begun to hate this ...

 Grandpa was a carpenter but I think I didn’t get any of his genes. It took me from 12 pm to 10 pm yesterday and this afternoon to fix only 1 wardrobe that I purchased from Ikea. The instructions were given all over the place and it is only in pictures. Common to all and without a need for translation but hard to understand. Only after I googled it online and found people making the same mistake I did. sigh. I cannot depend on this as the backup job surely. After that, 腰酸背痛还有头痛。 I don’t think everything is passed down through genes. It depends on your surroundings.  Get rid of the wardrobe that grows mould. Just worried other will grow mould if I don’t throw it. I only used the old one for 2 years but the problems created, I don’t mind feeling hurt a little bit to throw it away. Keeping it only cost more money. So far kept on buying dehumidifiers or whatever. The whole thing already can buy an Ikea one. Somemore, Ikea ones no smell. I think mainly because of the heat since the...

 Using iPhone to blog on blogspot is really bad… Hard to type, hard to format and hard to navigate around while typing. Constantly, creating space or ignoring space after typing. Making it real hard to get back to the same place. Or just simply cannot get back to where you have typed. Sometimes, it will hide away part of the paragraph you are typing… Sometimes can continue to type and sometimes totally can do nothing to bring it back. The cursor would disappear somewhere. You have to guess where it was and iPhone forced you to use the spacebar to navigate the cursor that it is almost impossible to get back by touching where you want it to be even by imagination. Android doesn’t have this issue. 

  Based on Google What should I know. What people think they should know but far from it. I can think of everything in my brain. Ya. That’s what it is for. I am frustrated, annoyed and wonder what am I doing here. something’s amiss. 

  You with the sad eyes Don't be discouraged, oh I realize It's hard to take courage In a world full of people You can lose sight of it all The darkness inside you Can make you feel so small Show me a smile then Don't be unhappy Can't remember when I last saw you laughing This world makes you crazy And you've taken all you can bear Just call me up 'Cause I will always be there And I see your true colors Shining through I see your true colors And that's why I love you So don't be afraid to let them show Your true colors True colors are beautiful I see your true colors Shining through (true colors) I see your true colors And that's why I love you So don't be afraid to let them show Your true colors True colors are beautiful (they're beautiful) Like a rainbow Oh oh oh oh oh like a rainbow Ooh can't remember when I last saw you laughing Ooh oh oh oh This world makes you crazy And you've taken all you can bear Just call me up 'Cause I ...

Maybe I should do whatever according to what they gave me. I should follow what is there now, since nobody gave or say anything. Then October needed. Since I needed 1 month excluding the things I needed to do for some other deployment. Starting date today and just show everything exactly as it is. Finish or not. Just leave liao. Not I don't want to finish. hmm .... 

Can see how much he tried to hide. He lied. Anyway, I dunno how effective but when it comes to kiosk, always skip and I never even heard them talking much about kiosk and pop, there is kiosk. Magic. Then when you ask questions, it could take months before you get reply. Say don't need, then need. Say need then don't need. It is always the last thing. Like, the thing got 3 months. More than 2 months thinking want or don't want. After do then don't want. If you haven't do, they want. Even set up also lo. More like putting obstacles in front of me. Then put it like I dragged. Enough liao. The more I think, the more I felt something is wrong. The kiosk was running for almost a year without user manual which i thought was submitted during launch. My bad... I never checked. When asked, I realised release note all there except for manual... Actually, should I do like my last job. Just skip everything in between if there is too much to communicate or for the communicator to...

 Ordered a wardrobe from Ikea… It will come on a Saturday. I will have to wash my things and rearrange. The last few weeks have been raining and mould started to grow again despite putting like 3 charcoal humidifier. Now 4. Hope it won’t go inside the wardrobe. Have been cleaning it a few times but every month or with the humidifiers, it took 2 months. It is too near to the window I guess… Sigh. I actually wanted to join the Junior Developer meetings on Saturday but I only know they have that after ordering. The last meeting, I have to renew my passport even though it was a meeting on a Friday Night.  I managed to do 1 quiz and 2 videos today. A bit off standard but too tired to rush 1 week content. 

 The story seems like these. I bought an Apple, the delivery was 1 week. Then there is a delayed in the middle because, I want to change to Orange. I topped up the money for Orange. Again there is a delay. I wanted 2 Orange. Resend, delay again, now I want to change to durian. More delays. Now I want it to be back to apple. People agree and people request and people do. In the end what did I get. All the people died from old age. Over age and stressed. The one who get away was the system designers. I have a rotten apple, rotten orange, rotten durian 100 thousand years later. Probably still making request as a ghost. The ghost deliver. I make a house. House delay, now I can want it to be bigger. Every delay, I want it bigger. Another delay, I want different design. Then bigger then another design. Pay more, do more, pay more, do more. The one who talk all but the one who do all leh? It is almost like the whole loop I can never get out of. Exit is the best. I am not interested in thi...

 People is like the most complicated thing on earth. I want to live like a dog. All I want is food. Snuggle onto my bed and sleep. Bark at people to scare them. Sometimes, some vocabulary just popped into my head when I wanted to write a sentence. Sometimes worrying I used the wrong words, I have to double check the meaning. I saw the changes. Cheating. Well, I think this world is strange. If everything gotta go through legal way, then, what will happen. Sometimes, you need to get the job done, I think buying a laptop so that everything could get through faster was what I can do. The more you do, the more mistake you have. If I don’t write a word on my essay, I did nothing wrong but I did nothing. Where got job need to do nothing one leh. If have, I want. I only want those that can sleep at night or outside of working hours one. That is not big deal. I needed more guidance also. How can I make my work better. What did I do wrong? or even how can I code even faster. I will just comp...

 part of me wants to complete the work but part of me just want to go. 

 quit, resign.   left letter only. Be nice. Be cool. almost the end. what can tomorrow brings. 

 我辞职了。Now left letter…

  The connection there is better. Maybe climbing the tree is where the main point lies. That’s where all the fun is. How boring if it’s just plucking it from the ground. I am not a developer maybe. I ate McD today. Although it is like everyday but not so anymore. I quit my job. For real. A bit bad of me because I wasn’t suppose to continue like May. I couldn’t stand until Nov liao… end Nov will actually be my 2 years here. Time is limited for me. Life being a woman, who knows what will happen to me next. I hope I was born a man. Being a woman is troublesome. If God wants to exterminate the whole world and recreate and if people get reborn, can he make me a man? Superman. I can laser eye and cut you into half. Hmm… like two holes. It is straight. If I move my head, it will be two lines. Hm. Do it like a wink. I think the beam merged from both eyes. I forgot. I am just a loner. a loner. Maybe I go busking but need to practice guitar. I am super sad. Why are we doing this? Why do huma...

 终于做了这个决定，别人怎么说我不理。只要你也一样的肯定。我愿意天涯海角都随你去。我知道一切不容易。我的心一直温习说服自己。 我还是放弃了。终于说出口了。 Finally making this decision. It is hard and I think it is time to put a stop to this. My left eyelid kept on jumping for a few days already and I guess I have to make a decision fast. Well, it seems like I am running away but at least I tried to do so in a way that I hope it won’t end up bad. I do want the fastest way out but I also sorry for the poor young guy alone with the website and ridiculous design although I was not really helping him. He got plenty of stuff to cover. On my own, at least I can design my own. The current one is really hard to change since it is already operating and structure is there. The limitation is there. Also, this might be the first and last Kiosk I have ever done. It is also the app that I have that has the most number of pages. Even when I did room booking web app, I only have 3 pages. One for login and one for venue booking. One for user management. Although I could have...

 Can I just get a death certificate and say I am dead already? so I don’t have to go to work? Play dead. 😭 I hate work. I only like money. Can God just drop me a few millions so I don’t have to go to work? God will punish me I guess because I kept on using His name. He is supposed to save me though when I call for help. Ahhhh. I cannot remember what I have downloaded. The laptop already getting slower with just VS, MS SQL and SSMS…. one click a few seconds. I want to buy ticket and go somewhere and never come back. Hm… 

 I have looked all over for my USB C cable. I cannot find it at the work place, at the other work place and at home. Then today my sis want to borrow my one of my Micro USB. Normally I plugged that in the socket and another USB C for my table lamp. Then it turned out the Micro USB was the other USB C that I was looking for… I have no memories of why it was there and not my Micro USB. Maybe it is Covid.  If it wasn’t, my Micro USB must have hide by itself. Sigh… I think I lost my brain elsewhere. Hope next time can just change brain. I don’t want to go to work tomorrow. Mum not here to drag me to work. Can I don’t work tomorrow. Forever? I no longer love my work or if I ever did. I need new love. Saddest thing was after done then change. Shouldn’t even did the old one. Can God send a super Software Engineer to us. I am not even sure if what I did was correct even though it worked. I felt unsafe and uncomfortable. Argh….

  Aunty asked what dumb means. Is it mute or deaf? I still don’t understand but I found an extra meaning. See point 4. So it is ok to call a computer dumb.

I have been blessed with 2 favourite dishes which could be found just below the hdb. Fried Carrot Cake and Chicken Rice. They are good too. Recently, they improved quite a lot as well. It is like getting tastier. I used to eat Chicken Rice almost everyday for lunch but not when I am working. Otherwise, will be McD especially dinner. Fried Carrot Cake breakfast.  Today, the label makes me happy. The face is for extra spicy. +Egg means extra Egg. 😋 It's 5.50 - 25% for self pick-up. Normally I will go down buy and it will be around 3.80 but I have to wait. If everyday sounds like seeing this label, that's the most satisfying life. The boss put effort on this. I appreciated it by going. It wasn't this good when I first ate it then one day, chicken rice stall close so I went to buy it. Then surprisingly the taste changed and it's the way I liked. Happy findings. 

 So. A lot of computer died. Why this laptop still alive? Sadded. Anyway, installing VS on it now for the other project that might need it since it is old application. Not sure what shit code I have to deal with but since I said I will do might as well rush it out before I go. Half an hour passed by… 62 percent… Once the installation was done, it will be hellish. The laptop is lucky I don’t have Thor’s hammer. I haven’t install MS SQL and SSMS and a bunch of other things…. sigh… Live in agony. Should give suggestion to every junior choose the right job and not the one that will sacrifice your sanity. Else, it will be like not dong anything at all. Almost done. Deadline is a bad phrase. Who wants to get to the deadline. It sounds DEAD….

 Words matter. Most of the time, it was because I don’t say anything and that is why people got worst. I think this blog is the way to express what I have kept and think will go away. Don’t probe. At least, it is not what I will tell under any circumstances. I did better in writings. In words that I spoke, I may not be. It will sound a lot worst. If I have nothing nice to say, don’t say. I think this lesson is hard to grasp. You have to think the other way as it was the thinking that is wrong and not what I have to say. My venting ground is here. They thought they got away with it and I thought I can just ignore words. Human can close their ears if they wanted to but that requires lots of training. If you are fully concentrated and focus fully on what you are doing, you can easily do that. I realised, my instructors just have to say something that will put me in deep thoughts. Everything he said onwards will not be heard and my thoughts will think that very first question he asked....

 烦。非常烦。 Finished IT Support Fundamentals. Now the new one. Hopefully they will still be of some use but not that difficult just that lots of terms to memorise. Things that I know at least now has a name. I learnt what UEFI stands for. That’s why that day while googling, I realised a bit what it means. Glad that the other guy who knew more gets what happened and save the computer. I don’t know how to save it even though I know what UEFI has. If it is my computer maybe I will experiment with it but it wasn’t mine so I worried if I have to experiment with it. Especially settings so I don’t touch those. Not unless I know more although I can always follow Google. I can if I understand it but if I don’t, better not. UEFI will be kind of like BIOS or more so, to replace it. Most computers already using it and so was the Kiosk. Glad that they bought a powerful pc for it. I think back in Form 2 we did play with BIOS and my teacher would give a lot of instructions that we followed but I cann...

 Asynchronous and synchronous are 王八蛋. Killed me a thousand times. and still killing. 

 还是抄自己鱿鱼吧。这样请假就自己Approve。 看找工作快还是买电脑快。六个月。The problem here wasn’t really communication issues. No matter what you do, it will be the same so why waste time.  Finally reaching hub and switches… sigh. Although just touching the surface and at least I know liao.  Based on fact, it can be easily dispute but based on people, you will never know what’s up on their sleeves. Reminded me of a song. 演员。其实更不惯的是人与人之间的语言。以为只是有些。结果越聊就发现更多是一样的🙁 快要超越演员了。 sigh。

While I was on the way to work last week, suddenly this song turned up on my mind. I only remember the first sentence and the melody. I couldn't really remember who sang it. Then after 乘风破浪3，Cyndi Wang does sound familiar and googled, yup. Once again, Google has saved the day. Grateful for my first online programming instructor that I signed up on coursera. It was he who taught me about Google. I realised, if I have known about it probably I would have started programming earlier on. Then the day before, while scrolling around linkedin, there is a probability book for baby. I forgot the title but it seems pretty serious and real. I watched the video twice and I don't understand a thing. Hope the baby understand but I prefer baby who just preferred to eat the book. Because first, you must be a human before doing anything else. Well, in this inhuman world and it is getting more and more like that, all the more the baby should start eating the books. It is easier to absorb that wa...

 The world isn’t the same anymore. The beauty of things.  I wonder, aren’t what I know just basic. I mean there were more advance things that I haven’t learnt and I kept on circling the basic… I found a better way to do things though. I don’t think right while in a rush. When I read my code done last year, I almost vomit blood… Why have I thought like that and why haven’t I thought what I think now. It was so much easier to adjust the UI that way. Although it is still not the best way and rooms of improvements are everywhere, but not now. I guess I will leave that for later. While I was rethinking about my career, hm, I saw Starbucks looking for software developer. I was a bit interested because I have a bad experience with them. Yet, I don’t have the courage to press that button. What if the person who is hiring was the one I complained to. hahaha… Anyway, that time I wasn’t a developer and it has been few years back. I got a gift card from my friend. I wanted to login to the...

Just squeezed all my 3 weeks worth of course materials into 4 hrs. Now is like 1:40am. I started around 10pm. I am really tired and my eyes have been like pretty sensitive these few days. I think from the prolong period of staring at screens. I have to finish the materials with my eyes close and I realized, I can understand better and also it is better by increasing their talking speeding by 1.25 to 1.5.  It makes listening perfect. I think some instructors sounded slower. It makes listening kind of distracting. I realised why I don't understand a thing last time during a phone interview. The American interviewer actually worried I cannot speak English so he spoke extra slow and word by word. Very distracting. Anyway, I have also done the quizzes too. Have to do it with one eye half open or with both eyes half close. ay... but still got a bit more left. I saw ticketting and I quickly turned off my laptop. 😂 Arts of IT support professional. We are totally doing the opposite. 

 Glad that I checked. I realised the difference between application software and system software. well, I learnt to write Application Software and became like half a System Software Developer. In the end, I found out that my Job Title is actually a Business Analyst. The company who outsourced me considered me a Software Engineer. So, what am I?

I just finished episode 10. After lots of fast forwarding. I liked the show although some part really make me want to fall asleep. Who's real culprit?

 I think End of the World is not God’s job. If it’s God’s Job then it’s a relief. The people will end the world themselves without God’s interference. Bomb here bomb there. When you have the power instead of using it to protect people, use it for politics or pride. Then destroy one another. Everyone fall and back to square one. People who died from World War 1 and 2 probably looking down and said, “Seems like what we have done never solved the problems. Only moments of peace and now, it’s back to square one. We should have just spent our time well, drank cups of coffee, have some desserts, surrendered or dropped dead instead of doing all those unnecessary stuff that will end soon instead of ever lasting peace and harmony.”. What do people in each country wants? War? They probably just want a life that’s filled with joy and laughter, cup of coffee, piece of cake and watching their children grow. Spent time in their money making contest. Spent time gardening. Spent time reading and w...

 现在哪里都要打仗了。是不是应该更要花时间找更稳定的工作。其实我的工作才是最没有保障的。应为我还不算这个公司的员工。然后还发现别的事。有问题到最后，我会先被赶走吧。那我现在更应该要找工作吧。不然等到仗都开始打了，我才找就太迟了。。。 Don’t deal with people with hidden agenda. Motto of life.

 我只是来工作的。。。不是来杀人放火的。也不是谁的猎物。I would say, everything is a false start. A project fault is everyone’s fault. A project success is everyone’s glory. Well, it’s a teamwork philosophy. It’s as it is. There’s a window for everything. If you missed it, the impact is great.  Then no matter what you do, it’s always fixing and endless fixing. Development windows is crucial. I would put work aside as I needed time to do my studies.   This is a straw made from rice. After finishing your drink, you can eat it. I did try, it tasted like dry rice. Kuching is going green so there is no waste from straw. This is the second place with this straw. I ate half. I am dieting after eating lamb burger. We walked past this. The tree was enormous and grand. This tree covered the while field width from the building and cross the road to another building. All the clouds in Kuching were like these. Mainly go for lunch or dinner and brother-in-law drove us around. They were like cotton wools. This bui...

 人不要被自己今天说的话害了明天的自己。Check. 我后来才看到自己工作的公司名字是什么🤔。其实有些东西不重要。 人也不要为了今天撒的谎害了明天的自己。一句谎话也是要负责的。撒了第一个谎就会有第二个。更可怕的事，大家都知道是谎话。那何必说谎呢。 我的问题是，就算我说的是实话，和我说谎，是一样的。都像谎话。地理的问题。反而我说谎的时候，别人信了。我不明白是什么道理。所以说没有人喜欢听真话。就算知道是假话，也愿意把它变成真的来听。 时间过了。其实也不要为了今天的谎话，拆掉自己之前的谎话。说谎的人听不出。听的人记忆会比较好一点。我也意思意思。明白的人可能比你懂得更多。 其实嘛，趁现在大家都在找软件工程师 就现在走吗？反正项目还没开始，新的工程师在这个时候也最好请。而且在项目还没有开始前请 其实最好。我想学一些东西。而我其实最不能接受的出了电脑还有一件事。从小学开始让我最最最讨厌的事。等有天我离开了再说吧。只要遇到就要避开。可是这也是大部分的人的问题。其实我想如果我是外星人就好。其实我一直是外国人。就算在自己的国家也是。在家里，也是。有时候想想，我是哪里的我本地人。我想应该要开始找了。自从我妹病了，我想有可能那一天会到我。我一直觉得自己没时间了。就梦里也是。我在和时间赛跑。有一种感觉。像是有预告的梦。可是当我觉得是假的，他变真的。我觉得真的，却变假的。今天就好像我之前做的梦。已经不是第一次了。有点可怕。如果有什么事我希望是不知道的勇气去面对。能力不是你能用最短的时间做你懂得事。而是你能用多少时间去做自己不懂的事。我更喜欢后者。IQ测试其实已经不准了。应为，在你还没有考之前，你就已经懂了一些题。能力聪明Chicken and Egg.