2020

以前看的童话其实没有很完整。忘完了。 妈买了录音机把电视上的白雪公主录了下来。可是不知道为什么，就只录到白雪公主逃跑到森林，找到木屋，做家务，还有七个小矮人在挖钻石，巫婆做毒苹果的过程，还有白雪公主吃了昏倒，这几段而已。很多部分的片段都坏了。当时没有电视节目（都是马来语）。我就每天自己重复打开看这个。

好久了。 不是每一个人都可以明白你。慢慢的什么都无所谓。 就算看不见，从来都没有离开过。只差没有烟没有酒（很贵又没用）。 有些事不能从来。生命就是。不会有两个我在同一个时间存在。 想要什么，可能就要失去什么。你不能想要现在的我和以前的我。 也许都是为我好，那就接受因此得到的缺陷。原谅很简单。可是怎么面对才是难题。 那不是证明什么是勇气和智慧。而是愿意去接受现实。就请接受我已经不是我了。难受的是，我接受了，你还接受不了。 生命是自己的。对和错有谁知道。就算能够去怪谁，又能怎样。 如果把真心交出去，知道又会被打碎，那为什么还要交出去？ 昨天考试，有点觉得时间不够。也突然觉得，好像好多东西没有在该学的时候学到。没有做的很好。但是我却喜欢这样有难度的挑战。应为那样我才知道有进步，有动脑。

Finished my course liao... Now making my portfolio. Never in my life did I make one. Zavier's 16 already! 最乖的一个。虽然他姐姐也很乖。都是董事的小孩。每次都会让别人。也会照顾别人。也会为别人想。虽然安静但是他听得懂我的笑话 所以安心了。希望他不要被人欺负就好。 有一次，我要离开家了。我和他说我要坐飞机出国了。他说要买糖果。我回应他原来只想吃糖果。后来他说坐飞机会头痛要吃糖果。当时只有7岁的他已经为我这个23岁的姑姑着想了。我还怀疑他。我也不想一直变。变得和这个世界越来越像。 一样的目的地，不一定有一样的目标，想要的也可能不一样。

Certain things are just doomed to begin with. The only thing you can do if quitting is not an option, you try your very best and hoped that miracle will happen. Well, probably not miracle but just enjoy the process of doing things - your way. You might figure things out (out of the ordinary) or, you hit a dead end. Anyway, it is a dead end to begin with so why worry. It cannot be "deader". Don't hope for what's not real or things that are too good to be true. It prevents disappointment and a fall that will be harder to bear than it currently is.

Since the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic, or even much earlier than that, I seldom go out. I was thinking of getting a hair-cut but worried about the situation so I didn't. Today, I went out with my sister to finally get a hair-cut and after the hair-cut, seems like I was set free from my long long hair. Pretty refreshing. I didn't go out at all since my last on-campus class though. That is like two months ago. Class went on a Mental Health Day holiday yesterday. I really need it because when I woke up today, it was already 2 pm. I went to sleep around 3am. BAD. I was suppose to sleep around 12am for one week but when I heard it was a holiday, I didn't. Anyway, I wasn't in a very good mood for Wednesday and Thursday but I guess I get over it already because no point to hold on to something that I can do anything about. I can only find out what I can do to make the impact the least on me. Sometimes, I guess marketing really need to work on their techniques... Peo

If we are all born without eyes, ears and mouth. Would we still get tired of how other people look and sound. Maybe we just look at each other as if we were just made without skin, eyes colour and hair colour. We are just plain human being who depended on food to survive and a place to habitat. I wouldn't blame races but the people who can't bring their own races to safety or to provide enough to cover the gap. Why other races has to be treated badly or being treated unequally? while only the white deserved to live with more superiority? Races are equal. We are all human. If you are the leader of your races, please take good care of them. When we can live with each other's existence but we chose to hate each other. Come on, if the sky falls or the earth crumbles, your fate would be the same regardless of races. We are trying to make this world a better place, not child's play. We are all human being. If we all learn to take care of each other, what's the point of wo