2020

Really hope things will go on like this. Just got through half. Many more to go. Lots of hiccup but at least nothing serious happened. Met an aunty with short green hair today after work. I went for dinner at McD. I put down my bag to chop seat otherwise I have to queue again or lose the seat when they thought nobody sitting. The uncle at mcd said need to at least put something there so other people won't take the seat. Aunty who chop her seat besides me said make sure nothing valuable inside. She chop seat with something else and brought along her groceries, or not maybe, inside her small trolley to order food from the counter. I went to the auto machine then went back to my seat with a number so they can send to me instead of waiting in line. I sat down for a while. Aunty came back with her trolley and set meal. She asked me why I got the no. I told her can ask them to send to the seat with it. Maybe she didn't hear and said is it because mine is bigger. She laughed away when

老了就是当我想把音量调小声。怎么调都还是很大声。结果我是在调视频的亮度。然后当我想把亮度调大，结果没有，可是耳机的声音越来越大。。。 我把手机拿去充电。可是很久了，都还没有好。还以为坏了。结果是我忘了开点电。。。。

I sprained my ankle while sleeping. I don''t know but just suddenly my ankle hurts. Duno how I sprained it. I thought the pain will go away but it didn't. Whole day, I can feel the pain on it. I think I am old now.

Sometimes you don't need words and a melody or a look, that is all. The purest form of expressions. Today's weather. Have a good day ahead. On my way to work and this scenery woke me up. Look at the clouds. How I wish I can ditch work and run to the beach. How can I let go of such good weather. 

就这样两个星期过去了。好快。好想把所有的事都丢掉。不管口袋里有没有钱。想去流浪。明天在路边唱歌，后天帮人洗个碗，大后天驾个德士，大大后天耕田，那一天有什么就做什么。还没睡，我已经做梦了。

很多人用尽力气去互相创造，有些人用尽力气去互相摧毁。你说那一个比较好。人什么时候才会想。还是又是我想太多了。

时间过得很快。我好累但满足。第一天有点太开心。有点担心。也有点兴奋。不过六点就可以回家了。第二天也是，不过有些东西还要回家看。自己看到凌晨才弄好。第三天5：50am起床好累。就要准备上班了。弄一下时间过得太快了，为什么呢？ 结果有自己弄到凌晨才睡。第二天又要早起。奇怪我并没有在工作的事后想睡。今天一定要早睡。。。不弄了。要不然又出事真的不知道又要怎样。第四天我想早睡。九点到家，冲好凉，等头发干，练一下吉他。。。 十一点了。。好怕起不来 昨天睡前设的。。。。每十分钟是怕自己完全听不到。希望其中一个会叫醒我 （不同铃声，也响的的比较久。其中一个有问题其他能补救。如果太近就没有效果。睡死的人的烦恼。特别类的时候会这样。。。

 好像第一天要去上学一样。

刚刚把两年的衣服都烫好了。虽然以前也没有经常烫。 Because, it wasn't really necessary. There was a company coat over. I never iron the coat too. Just realize I was too carefree with my clothing. Since I am a bit older, must act like old people do. 明天就要开工了。开工大吉！对我好一点。This will be another episode of my life after a long halt. I hope for less dramatic series. Is this the long way or the right way? I have chosen this way, there is no way back. I took a big jump and I hope it is the right choice. I have everything to lose I guess. Chance was given only once. There are two different chances, I gave up one for this one to do what I've always dreamt to do. Is it by fate or by faith? Please don't joke with me.

 I was doing some recall on programming fundamentals. I can't really remember all of what I have learnt during Uni. Before that, computer class was compulsory from Sec 1 to 3. It didn't ring a bell and I didn't do well. Partly, language barrier. Mostly, I don't know. Most of the time, we memorize stuff. I did enjoy the practical part whereby we used the computer to draw using a turtle in the middle, tried typing into command prompt or is it MS-DOS? as the teacher called out the command (like dir, clear - the only two I remember until now. Only that one class.), BASIC (the colorful screen), and finally, Microsoft office.  Most of the time, it is all theory. I think learning in that way can make you remember things the hard way. It is like muscle memory but didn't mean anything to you. Another long story short, the reason I am here is because of Roman numbers. I II III IV V VI VII VIII IX X While looking at bytes, bits and binary, I was brought to this page. Suddenly,

 I am killed by the hashed password today. Always google. Don't even try to check by yourself why. Been juggling it for like 3 hours and their operation has changed ever since the time I last use it............. give me back my time!

Swollen battery. Expired warranty by few days. This is HP Spectre x360 convertible. The battery swollen to a point where it make the cover pried open and i think the back cover a bit bent also. How powerful is that. Age of laptop, a little over two years. Spot the gap like two months ago but thought my laptop is old enough to have swollen battery. If you have a laptop, please do check it frequently for swollen battery so you can get it replaced before warranty expired. I bought the battery replacement not long ago and received it yesterday. It took about like a week or so. The replacement is just open two screws and you can replace it. Instead of making all the way to the repair shop and wait for a few hours to get it done. That's what I thought. Click a few minutes thing. I open screw 1, there was a bit of resistance but I made it. Then screw 2..... and screw 2 and screw 2.... It took me forever. It was fasten dead tight to the laptop. The head was then str

  My laptop battery seems to be bulging. I realized I missed the warranty expiry date by few days. I should have checked last month when I spotted it! 我很累。在梦里跑了半天。在找那间教室。写题的时候来不及写最后一句。打开折好的地图，怎么也折不回原本的那样。面试到一半就变成在学课题。有个像黑板那么大的电脑。而且不需要键盘。然后当我终于看到自己要找的教室，我就醒了。很不甘心。我找了那么久。我的背包和钱包还在那里。我赶快回去睡。看看能不能回到梦里继续走到教室。然后就忘了后来的梦。好像是和家人逛街的时候走散了。我找不到手机。。。 然后我又在找人。。。好累。 错过的那么一点。总是那么一点。

Most of the time, I find it easy to make decision because normally I was given only one way. There are times there wasn't even one. Now, I found three jobs that I am really interested in.  First job was on hold on not sure what and the second that came in I need to wait for the first to reply. I agreed on this job first so I guess that's first choice that I shouldn't just go away after agreeing, even though it was only 6 months contract. They said they are processing something but confirm they want to hire me. I am okay with the wait as I am still in the midst of a course learning some important stuff which might also be useful for them. They are more towards system kind of programming. The second (more on advertising but creative) was on-hold now too.  It only came in after the first which I thought I lost the chance when I received no reply from them so I applied to this second one. I am not sure if I was even within their consideration but just treat it as I am, The mome

  Just to alert everyone. This is what I received today. This is like the 4th or 5th I have received so far after being active in Meetup for some meet up (especially this year) to join some events. This one is more careless because the link was obvious (probably a new scammer who just join). Since I have a little bit of time today, I just shared these after summarizing (detailing) the cases.  Case 1 I joined some Engineers and Software development group this year. Someone from the same group then approached me through messages. I thought good to know people and after chatting, exchanging of numbers for whatsapp (they claimed it was difficult to chat through meetup messages - to me also because I have to sign-in to send or read message.). The conversation took a big turn from hobbies (if you have dogs, they will put dog pic) to asking pictures to asking more about relationships. None of the conversation leads to the group's expertise of interest. It became very awkward. I put my dog

I am writing this blog to mark the day that I cut my own hair. It didn't end up bad. I went to the mall this afternoon to get a haircut but queue was long. 👍 It didn't took me long to do my own haircut. It is like an hour or two. If I go out and come back, probably that's almost the time I would take too.

昨天走很多路。晒着一点钟的大太阳。穿着很久没穿的鞋。去了一个地方。考了一个试。头发还是乱了。衣服有点麻烦可是是我唯一可以穿的衣服。。。

is because I have nothing to say... Other times, I was wondering and thinking how to put ten thousand words of thoughts into ten. Then when I am ready, the topic has changed. The cycles continue. One lesson learnt on getting things done is to think less first but I worry I couldn't think back of the same thing later on. I am just done with the assignment and the questions for interview. Let's hope everything happened for the best. The best of learning is probably not listening too much and start doing. Everyone has different expectation. Just do whatever you think is right or just simply what you can do at that moment.

I have been wanting to buy a monitor because I have been writing code on a small screen. This situation has gone on for a year now. I thought I could just bear with it. Really, swapping around took more time and less efficient. Finally during the 10.10, I bought one. I didn't realise the size was bigger than I expected. My 13" laptop looked at the large screen intimidatingly. Now, no excuse to work hard for a project.

When all else is gone, memory remains in different way.  The primary school that I'd attended, it's demolished, and now, it's a whole new building although still under construction and still re-constructing. Although everything is new, sometimes, I still dreamt about being in the old classroom and hallway. They no longer exist. Dreaming about getting late for school, hide and seek, climbing up the staircase that I was attacked by a bug (I think it is), and the things that we used to find them scary. The pathway to the toilet that was far far away with possibility of snakes appearing, and as scary as it can be, it still felt the same way in my dream. The grassy hills that I used to roll down after school while waiting or during break times, and the staircase to get to school, were still the same. The pathway from home to school and the basketball court. They were always obstructed in some way that I can never reach school. My secondary school changed too. I haven't been

 昨天早上十点醒来到现在还没睡。奇怪一点也不累。看着电脑也很精神。Rush assignment.

我不好还是它不好。😶

 有些事有些人永远也不会明白。解释了也不会明白。然后解释了以后伤害的还是自己。

Welding failed so using physical fastening skills to fix it. I didn't bring extra mask... Just in case, you got the defective mask, can do this. hehe

 Not sure what triggers my swollen upper lip. It is either the seafood or the wet tissue. Can feel the numbness when I woke up this morning. Few things that I have tried without giving my face more troubles: - Boscia, Charcoal Pore Pudding, Intensive Wash-off Treatment. Note: the smell a bit too strong though. NOTE: contains Talc. Just read some comments that this is cancer-causing. I think I will change. I haven't done much reading but the main concern comes from asbestos presence in Talc. Asbestos is carcinogenic. Although it was proven that Talc in cosmetic products are safe, we don't truly know if it really is. Just a quick note on this. - Supergoop!, Unseen Sunscreen. I am trying out the Matte Screen. - Tatcha, The Water Cream (super expensive) but I think I am going to find cheaper alternative. - ANESSA, essence UV sunscreen, mild milk, <for sensitive skin>, SPF 35 PA++ (A bit stinging so don't put near the eyes area and don't touch your eyes.) Then I am goi

I just knew that there is a song called "If I had a hammer".  I want to make a song called "If I had a million". The lyric goes like this: If I had a million, I am going to buy this hammer. I didn't have a million so I couldn't buy this hammer, and so, that's why I don't have this hammer. All the hammers on the shelf wouldn't do. Please find me this hammer.

  When you wake up the other day, nope, go back to sleep.

 去年到今天，从 73kg 减到了 64-65kg， 就再也没有下去了。而且最多就动动手动动脚。大家说吃鸡饭很容易胖。所以上几个星期我都只吃没吃还不是一样。然后觉得需要跑步。跑了一次，没有下降反而增加两公斤。只要开始运动，我就很容易饿。就越吃越多。。。 argh...  If you have sensitive skin, try using baby products like their moisturizer. I am using QV baby moisturizer. So far, it has been good. I find paraben-free, fragrance-free, alcohol-free and sulphate-free products doesn't affect me much and best, none at all. I am allergic to carton box materials and some synthetic materials. I was using a reusable mask. Instantly, my lips reddened. The allergies stayed...

 虽然失败但是已经比前几天好了。至少想通了一些事。我相信你。

 最近不是被手机绑架就是该死的promo绑架。所以决定现在到晚上9点不要动手机。专心。 There are too many times people say too many things at the same time. I felt sometimes the more the people who explained to me felt that the things they taught are difficult then I would feel that it is difficult too. It took time for me to forget how difficult it is and getting myself to do it without feeling difficult. After trying it out and so on, it is actually not that difficult. What am I saying? you see... I guess one thing that I really wanted to learn and practice is saying things straightaway. Sometimes things people did, lingers in my mind and I ended up doing the same thing. Hear no evil, see no evil, do no evil. It is a bit of a psychological effect and not sure how many people experience this. Why instead of avoiding it, we somehow unconsciously did it? How to strengthen our mind to avoid these?

Do people with makeup looks better? I always feel like I am not myself even if it was just a plain lipstick or eyebrow liner. Why do people prefer women to makeup anyway? I like people without makeup because that's only natural. Imagine the amount of lipstick you ingested while eating. Maybe the amount of makeup powder or whatever else is inside somehow get ingested as well. Can that be cancerous or harmful to the body? Going to take a portrait to show how professional I am but well, I was thinking if a plain shirt will do the trick and ignore the makeup, anyway, I have no idea how. I wore a Levi's T-shirt the last time and didn't realised it was in the area of the photo.... This thing is more tiring than coding.

 还有很多事。听听歌。 常常我　豁出去　拼了命　走過卻沒有痕跡 可是我　從不怕　挖出我火熱的心 手上有一個硬幣　反面就決定放棄　嗝屁 但是啊在我心底　卻完完全全不想放棄 就算是這個世界　把我拋棄　而至少快樂傷心我自己決定 所以我說　就讓它去　我知道潮落之後一定有潮起　有什麼了不起

Got my specs! SGD600. 心还在流血。我想会流很久。虽然戴起来很轻很舒服。看到自己的体重了。重了2kg。argh. 接下来要好好的控制食物。手机拍的照片不知道为什么只要近一点拍就会黄黄的。

 没有眼镜好像就没有记性和时间。称重的时候看不到体重。前几天吃那么多，还是别看了。明天要开始限制自己用手机的时间了。开学了！有点期待，就怕精神不够好。 Never replace passion with instructions. When everything officials look worse than the one without any preparation. 

 今天出门把眼镜给丢了。应为带着面罩和眼镜很麻烦所以把眼镜挂在衣服上。下了巴士才发现不见了。😭 星期三就开学了。。。 还有一副在家里，可是带了都会晕所以不敢戴。Owndays 的。便宜但不能用。买来等于浪费。SGD200就像是丢进了大海。那是按照我这个旧的做出来的。可是每次戴了以后不是头晕就是头痛。同样的价钱换成了马币，就是我丢了的眼镜的价钱。我戴了应该有六年，好像还更久。。。换过了两次镜片。被我摔，被我压，醒来就永远在我眼前。还好好的。我舍不得。之前又回去想找一摸一样的可是已经没有卖了。所以只换镜片。是我戴过有史以来的最好的眼镜。 结果和家人一起在店要关的时间赶到了。配了一副新的。可是需要一个星期。SGD600。。。比我要买的手机还贵。。。没办法。。。 现在没戴眼镜。还好电脑的字可以放大 然后在靠近电脑一点点就可以了。 其实还有一副眼镜在家里。不过是大概十年前的。不知道度数。虽然清楚但不知道闪光是怎么样的。害怕戴了会不舒服还有影响眼睛。一边七百多一边四百多。很久以前，为了不让右边一直加深所以就让弄眼镜的维持原本的度数。这样已经几年了。每次都不让他加。现在右边是800，我觉得还可以。两年前也看过眼科专科（不过是为了眼睛皮肤敏感，用的药物有点影响），说我眼睛没有问题，没有加深。同时也去了Owndays配那副眼镜。每次到眼镜店都是说加深了。好几家都是这样。你说可以相信谁。知道的人会说不用加。小心点。有的时侯眼睛只是一时变得不好。不对的状况就会有不同的结果。累的时候别去配眼睛。 从小学三年级就开始戴眼镜。醒来就戴着。以前不喜欢戴。应为耳朵和鼻子会被眼镜摩擦磨破皮。那感觉很不好。老师说我一直写错字。如果我不戴眼镜就用藤鞭打我。虽然他没有少打我。不过我写错的字还少了点。其实在想当时被打也好，应该现在会不会不用戴眼镜了。好麻烦。眼睛其实是看书和看电视还是平常的看书坏习惯造成的吧。应该要好好保护眼睛才不会到那么深吧。以前的人不是人人都要戴眼镜的吧。为什么现在大部分的人都要戴了。

 要学会不要把愿望都说出来。这样就不会失望。最好愿望都不要有。这样绝对不会失望。从新放下，开始新的旅程。我要更认真了。所以要管住自己的心。别让它在被偷走了。小心，认真的人很危险的。别靠的太近。小心我伤到你。

I seriously have no memory of a lot of things that used to be so clear on my mind. Yesterday, I watched a chinese movie called "你好，疯子" or "The Insanity". It is among a few of shows or movies that I found to be quite scary. It wasn't a scary movie though. It is very disturbing. At one point, I felt like I was one of them for a certain period of time. Are we all just a dream or an illusion? Or were we once crazy? If a crazy person has seen this movie, will they understand that at all. Or is it because I am normal, that I understood? Or have I ever crossed a point of becoming crazy but took a step back? The movie plot was something that I had encountered when I felt the furthest from reality. The feeling of being suffocated and drowning deep down in a sea. The struggles to breathe or to wake up. It was only when I woke up, I found myself not breathing at all and started gasping for air. It's like I suddenly forgot how to breathe or can't breathe at all. Whe

I learnt how to send spam mail yesterday. I've sent a few to myself. Duh... Never realise how it was done previously and truly, how easy it is to just spam someone without any effort... I wonder how legal spammers can get though without going to spam mail.

Learning Python within one week. Day 3 now. Maybe too slow? I can recall a few of what I learnt last year on Python 2. I wonder why coders like to name things after snakes or bugs.... Like Python or Spyder...... both of the things that I can't stand..... After all the "interviews" or tests, I think at the end of all that, I probably learn all the languages available. Sometimes, I just lacked one or just one of it was not what I've learnt and I have to catch that up but then I didn't get the job. Pros and cons. If I didn't get the job, I get to use it for another job but then the dead cycles continued. I guess have to really focus on one and be good at it. If you don't use it, using it became less and less efficient until they are long forgotten friends. I asked different people, all come up with different answers. Some was merely preference, some efficiency, some less thing to type, some easier to understand... I looked at articles that repeat itself. Verb

I bought a cabinet and fixed it myself. It wasn't what I expected but enough for the year. The stackable drawer came too. I like the modularity despite the not-so-good quality. It shouldn't be more expensive though otherwise a decent cabinet will do. For the second time this year, I cut myself again. This time on my forefinger while fixing the cabinet door. Last time, it was on my palm below my forefinger. I stabbed myself with scissors. When I started typing, I bled so I rested for a week or so. I think it took about 3 to 4 months for the muscles to recover from the wound. Now, it wouldn't hurt when I flex my forefinger. I managed to hurt the tip now. The thick plaster helped me not to feel anything when I type. Well, maybe I will get use to it. Fingers are important, man.

以前看的童话其实没有很完整。忘完了。 妈买了录音机把电视上的白雪公主录了下来。可是不知道为什么，就只录到白雪公主逃跑到森林，找到木屋，做家务，还有七个小矮人在挖钻石，巫婆做毒苹果的过程，还有白雪公主吃了昏倒，这几段而已。很多部分的片段都坏了。当时没有电视节目（都是马来语）。我就每天自己重复打开看这个。

好久了。 不是每一个人都可以明白你。慢慢的什么都无所谓。 就算看不见，从来都没有离开过。只差没有烟没有酒（很贵又没用）。 有些事不能从来。生命就是。不会有两个我在同一个时间存在。 想要什么，可能就要失去什么。你不能想要现在的我和以前的我。 也许都是为我好，那就接受因此得到的缺陷。原谅很简单。可是怎么面对才是难题。 那不是证明什么是勇气和智慧。而是愿意去接受现实。就请接受我已经不是我了。难受的是，我接受了，你还接受不了。 生命是自己的。对和错有谁知道。就算能够去怪谁，又能怎样。 如果把真心交出去，知道又会被打碎，那为什么还要交出去？ 昨天考试，有点觉得时间不够。也突然觉得，好像好多东西没有在该学的时候学到。没有做的很好。但是我却喜欢这样有难度的挑战。应为那样我才知道有进步，有动脑。

Finished my course liao... Now making my portfolio. Never in my life did I make one. Zavier's 16 already! 最乖的一个。虽然他姐姐也很乖。都是董事的小孩。每次都会让别人。也会照顾别人。也会为别人想。虽然安静但是他听得懂我的笑话 所以安心了。希望他不要被人欺负就好。 有一次，我要离开家了。我和他说我要坐飞机出国了。他说要买糖果。我回应他原来只想吃糖果。后来他说坐飞机会头痛要吃糖果。当时只有7岁的他已经为我这个23岁的姑姑着想了。我还怀疑他。我也不想一直变。变得和这个世界越来越像。 一样的目的地，不一定有一样的目标，想要的也可能不一样。

Certain things are just doomed to begin with. The only thing you can do if quitting is not an option, you try your very best and hoped that miracle will happen. Well, probably not miracle but just enjoy the process of doing things - your way. You might figure things out (out of the ordinary) or, you hit a dead end. Anyway, it is a dead end to begin with so why worry. It cannot be "deader". Don't hope for what's not real or things that are too good to be true. It prevents disappointment and a fall that will be harder to bear than it currently is.

Since the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic, or even much earlier than that, I seldom go out. I was thinking of getting a hair-cut but worried about the situation so I didn't. Today, I went out with my sister to finally get a hair-cut and after the hair-cut, seems like I was set free from my long long hair. Pretty refreshing. I didn't go out at all since my last on-campus class though. That is like two months ago. Class went on a Mental Health Day holiday yesterday. I really need it because when I woke up today, it was already 2 pm. I went to sleep around 3am. BAD. I was suppose to sleep around 12am for one week but when I heard it was a holiday, I didn't. Anyway, I wasn't in a very good mood for Wednesday and Thursday but I guess I get over it already because no point to hold on to something that I can do anything about. I can only find out what I can do to make the impact the least on me. Sometimes, I guess marketing really need to work on their techniques... Peo

If we are all born without eyes, ears and mouth. Would we still get tired of how other people look and sound. Maybe we just look at each other as if we were just made without skin, eyes colour and hair colour. We are just plain human being who depended on food to survive and a place to habitat. I wouldn't blame races but the people who can't bring their own races to safety or to provide enough to cover the gap. Why other races has to be treated badly or being treated unequally? while only the white deserved to live with more superiority? Races are equal. We are all human. If you are the leader of your races, please take good care of them. When we can live with each other's existence but we chose to hate each other. Come on, if the sky falls or the earth crumbles, your fate would be the same regardless of races. We are trying to make this world a better place, not child's play. We are all human being. If we all learn to take care of each other, what's the point of wo

Last year, I ordered Subway via Grab. Out of the four times, they gave me the wrong bread for two times. I feedback to them about it, saying, I would eat it but please give me the right bread next time. They refunded me in full for the wrong bread. The sequence is like this: 1. Wrong bread, 2. Right bread, 3. Wrong bread, 4. Right bread. For the wrong orders, I got full refund. I felt bad for eating the wrong bread but it's free because of refund. Now, my feelings were mixed between should I feel bad or happy for a free meal. Bills totalling up to about $50. Yesterday, we ordered McDonalds. Finally being able to. My order actually requested no mayo sauce. When I opened it, it was full of mayo. Extra mayo that it overflowed. I used tissue paper and spoon to scrap it off. Argh... My sis feedback to them about it. They offered to deliver another one but I was eating one. Instead, they offered 6pm or tomorrow, so, out of mind, I said 6pm. I ate two McSpicy yesterday with cheese. I wa

I have been following a show. Things that I was thinking somehow coincides with the show. I was wondering if that is a SEO thing and the show depended on that. Simply, probably I was thinking too much? A thing I've learnt yesterday: two forgetful people can probably repeat their conversation over and over again. haha. Repeat the next time and still ok. I signed up for a free intro class on SEO for Startups & Beginners. It was 11 - 1pm. I thought I could squeeze it in during class's lunch time. They have been many instances I can't join because of the timing clashes with my class. I used my other computer to connect and just to find out it was US's time... It won't happen until 11pm - 1am... I know there is no free meal in this world. Just curious and it wouldn't hurt. Every time, there is like "no worries, no string attached" and it makes me think there is every string attached to it otherwise you wouldn't say it. haha. I joined a class&#