Purple

I am still thinking about the purple motorbike I saw earlier on. It was really the best purple I have seen. Almost like my phone. I was thinking to get a motorbike license for quite sometimes... I don't think I can get a purple car. Too expensive but purple motorbike possibly more affordable. I don't go out a lot but the purple makes me feel like buying it. Do you know why I buy iPhone? It is because of the purple colour. I bought it the night it was out. Anyway, my story is, should I get married so that people won't think I am interested with their boyfriend? I am just getting by in life. Doing whatever to past time so I can find what is really worth living this life. There are reason why I preferred single life and interest or not in men or women weren't really in it. I am an individual soul incapable to thinking why a person should marry, have kids and die while these world weren't worth it at all. Existence or not, it doesn't make sense because with time, people will eventually die and go away. Heartache or not, the world is a cruel place to live in. If I did have a child, I will never want them to live in such condition or be who they are not to survive in this world. To be someone worst for survival. It is meaningless. Anyway, maybe I was too polite. Sometimes, I get softer and sometimes, if you realized I treat everyone the same. I hate crowds but for the sake of living, I met new people everyday. I liked strangers because there would be no hard feeling if one day I don't recognise you but we have a good talk. I preferred a good talk than knowing who you are. When you are anonymous, you talked more. I once talked to an Aunty or Uncle, because they have a lot to say. Talked for about an hour or two and I didn't even ask for a name or contact. We just enjoyed the conversation and complains. There used to be a taxi uncle who I often got his taxi when booking at 1am or 2am or 3am. Tuas was really hard to get a taxi and I was relieved if it was him. At least, I felt safe. Most likely will be him. Throughout the four years and on my last day, I told him I quit. He wasn't surprised because he was there to pick up other staffs from the same company and heard their conversation most of the time. Sometimes I got my info from him. He heard more than me. He told me about wechat and lots of stuff about what's happening around the world. He travelled a lot and me just home and work. Else went back to Brunei. Most of the time I complained a lot though and he didn't gave me advice but told me other things. He got his own complains but seldom. I think he will make a good friend or a good social worker rather than a taxi driver. Or maybe because he became a taxi driver, he was like that. Well, making the story short, I don't know his name and he didn't know mine. He asked if I want to have a dinner at a nearby coffeeshop which I normally dropped off for food before home and since that was the last ride for me. I said let's go. I finally saw his face. I guess he finally saw mine too. Four years of journey (almost everyday OT) and that was the last stop and he became a story of part of my life. I still don't know his name as we parted ways for one last time. Hope if he was a spy, he cannot find me just by my face. See, not everything is about boyfriend and girlfriend. To me, I think I belonged to a group of people who don't exist. I see things and people the same. As in I see cars, food, sceneries and so on. People are like the things I saw. I hate attaching to people. Why? It can be psychologically draining so I tried to kept my distance but I cannot help on how I converse. Maybe I should ask someone to practice with me so it doesn't look like I am interested in their boyfriend or girlfriend. Same thing happened to girls. The way I heard it from my ears seemed to be different from what other people hear. Dirty minded? But to avoid false accusation, once again, I have to change myself to other mode. See why I hate being around people I know or being with people. The worst is when people started being judgmental when you didn't even say a thing about them. I am just doing everything for a living. I don't really want anything else but the peace in mind. If there is a job that don't require me to talk to people, especially people full of judgment, I will die die apply for that job. Anyway, I think people will secretly love that kind of job too. :p

I normally don't look at people in their face. Sometimes I have no choice because I have to recognise you. I have problem recognising people unless I see you often enough. I need to look at your face because I need to see if you are of age to purchase the age-limited stuff. I also need to recognise your face just in case you go off without paying the bills or up to no good. Another thing, if you are a good customer, I want to remember the face too. So, I can ask God to bless you and wish you long life. People like you should live longer. I don't curse unless you are really making troubles for people. Bullying was another thing. Even if I have to pay for you, I would think if you really needed that money, then I just hope it is life saving. If it was not but out of greed, then hope God punishes you. That's all. Life is hard but we knew how to be kind to each other, everything weren't so bad. Truth is we always try to make each other's life hard. Out of defense or when not, an imaginary enemy. We are animals to begin with for no reason. In my next life, maybe being a tree would be good but hope I will be far far in the forest where human cannot reach. Else I became paper or chopping board.