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Time

 I thought that I could be free. Days after days, years after years, still. While being young, I wanted to grow older faster, and everything will be better as I grew older. As I grew older, I thought I could see the end of the tunnel. Still, 35 years later, I am still inside that tunnel. Did I go further into that tunnel or I walked the wrong way? Each day, telling myself that I am almost there. Why nothing seems to change but got worst? By right, these ten years should be much easier than when everyone were still schooling. From not having a proper house to having a big house. From a small wagon to big wagon. Then from having to not having. 

Should I start anew? Where did all those things go? It's a mystery. 

When I should be enjoying my youth, I am already working and taking care of things. While studying I can look after the shop, look after kids and do chores. While doing Uni, I gave tuition to my cousin and also earn some pocket money. Can still do work at home during holidays while other people really go for holidays. When I am working, I am still working and worrying about my elderly parents. I planned for work and travel but with the blink of an eye, I passed 30. When I should be having kids or at least working to have my own home, I am worrying about my elderly parents or brother's kids. There was no point that I could do things for myself. Even when I am not home, there will always be extra responsibilities. Sometimes, I wonder what shall I do to make things better. I am just a normal average person. With lots of allergies. Without a proper social life. What I know, people know. What people know, I might not know. I only have my hard work to offer. When I finally have that time, I am probably old and far worst than that. Who's left then? The ones you helped? Made it like I never done anything. The lucky thing is I chose to be single. Else, I would still be doing chores. Sigh. Things could be worst. How did things turn bad? Where did it all go wrong? I think I am being too kind. I shouldn't have done what I have done in the past and let people think of solution themselves. Things will never be solve if nobody wants to. I think the first thing is to get away from people who make things worst than it should. Although, first is health.

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