Eyes

 My eyes has been itchy for quite sometimes. Especially the right eye. Nose okay. Guess all the flowers were gone from the trees for now. My nose won’t suffer until their next flowering time.

That time if I have not recovered and just dropped dead, probably everything a different story. I should have ask Dad for more money when I was younger. Maybe fuss if people ask me to do things or have them give me money before doing. I think my work hours summing up could be a fortune. Then Dad wouldn’t have money to buy properties and we won’t get into the hassle of selling property, hence, the court case. Hm… Bad people everywhere. 

I haven’t been driving for quite some times. When I did, I drove Dad’s car. We used to have one small Myvi and I would drive that. Prado was really too big to get used to. Remembered the trip back to Miri. I parked the car beside another car. It was on the right side (driver side). I pulled the brake and opened the car door, preparing to get off the car. Suddenly, I felt like the car was moving. I thought I forgotten to pull the brake. I quickly reached back into the car and pulled at the brake and it was up. I got panic why the car still move?! I quickly pressed the brake and Mum got panicked with me not understanding what I did. I called out and say why did our car still move with all the brake on?!! Mum said it was the car beside us moving out of the parking lot just as I was headed down…. sigh… I have never felt more like I was in a dream where by I thought the brake didn’t work and the car just kept on moving. Great scare but Mum said the same thing happened to her. Maybe I got motion sickness.

I think sometimes we can really control our body. A few times, I thought I am going to die. My health report normally came out fine. I used to have serious migraine. The back of my neck was really painful that I can see stars. Sometimes, my heart would accidentally felt painful. Sometimes, I got gastric. Sometimes, I got the dizzy spell. Sometimes, my stomach was so bloated just after a meal and at times, it was painful or to the point of breathlessness. These happened more distinctly after I was like 20+. It wasn’t frequent and not repetitive. It can happen suddenly while I was asleep or when I was walking. My vision would turn round and round and round when I was lying down. The worst was when my hands, legs and face felt numb. My tongue also numb. It was like my limb has detached from my body or like my limb belonged to somebody else. Then it would be like I suddenly lost my speech. I failed to form words when I tried to talk. I used whatever strength I had, quickly sat or lie down and then I would be all fine after a sleep. If I was outside, I couldn’t lie down or have to take a transport, I get nauseous and actually ended up throwing up. What if, actually a rest could drive all the serious sickness away especially those that when you go see a doctor and they said you probably will die if there is no treatment. So far, I met Doctors who told me I am fine even when my blood test wasn’t fine. Probably when I go to sleep when symptoms showed up, I never went to hospital for it, I am considered fine. Hm… I guess that is what people in the olden days did. They have no doctors and probably lived on with it for a long long time. Probably lived longer than those who go for a cure? hm… nah. Just nonsense. Some cure actually resulted in early death.

I wonder if that time if there is a possibility that I dropped dead right then, will I be happier that everything was over? Would I not regret not being able to do what I have been doing now?