Fate or Faith

 There is always the fate. If there is no fate, it depended on faith to move on. Normally, I let fate decides. Demeaning someone doesn’t make a person who knows how to thank or say please polite. Rudeness in other senses wasn’t the solution too. Sometimes, I found myself in a lot of word games or war often and the more there is, the more I wanted to run away. Be like Buffy, took a wooden stake and plunge at your heart. Problem turned to dust. If only it could be that easy. Season 2 was odd. I guess the person who wrote the script changed or they aimed something new. 

Finally, I managed to trigger my hand to cut my hair. It has been the 3rd time after Covid first started. I accidentally cut my finger a little bit but lucky it only cut through the skin but not the vein underneath. It bled a little and now it’s healed. Maybe after watching Buffy, my finger can heal by itself. Now, it’s not bleeding anymore and not even hurting. I think what’s on your mind will affect your every cells. I tried to work but the feeling of wanting to work waned away as soon as I turned on the laptop. 

Sigh. I wonder what I truly got myself into. If it is a bad relationship, breaking up will be the best deal and only deal. If you are in it, you won’t see it but as time goes by and as you get out of it, you will realise that you have been a fool. It will draw blood so never to get yourself into a bloody bad relationship.

I still cannot decide to write a new module or to edit the current modules. After adding new modules, it seemed like a lot to add on. Editing current will be fast but also dangerous. I might mess up the already hideous UI work around and the actual flow that has already been done. The design or flow is tedious. I will take one more sign. Actually I have already received many signs. One more will make the final straw. Although, I have already ignored all the straws on the plate. Put in then take away.  If they say one more word about it, I guess everything will go by fate. In fact, that will become the last reason to leave. All the reason before already checked and if even that one last thing, they cannot give, no matter what you have given will become accessories. Let fate be. Even for my life. It was never right in the first place. Grateful and yet so wrong.

I always thought how I code was too bad and wrong in a sense but then not many instructors told me like what’s wrong. I realised, maybe it was never wrong. To fire every software engineer, just fire Google. They should call Software Googler than software engineer but of course, an engineer will know how to change Googled code. I think the only thing I am good at is Googling. Maybe I should get a cert called Software Googler. True story or how else can a beginner made something when there was not many clue but based on pure guessing and it went by with the googled link. The most worrisome is the foundations.

Maybe I should really roll back to where I cane from. Into my mother’s womb. Wrong place and wrong person