2020

 Second day without touching my laptop… I felt strange and guilty… Well, I have learnt how to hem my jeans. Most of the jeans were too long cos I bought them online. If buy at the shop, can ask them to hem… Weekend just passed and I spent one day clearing stuff and another day to hem the jeans. Two jeans… planned 5 jeans. I have never hem a jean before. First one I almost cut to knee length. Lucky thing Aunty came into the room and I asked her… a totally none related thing but she reminded me of something of what not to do. She done it differently from Youtube. Youtube just fold and saw the folded part together. She saved me from killing the jean… She said she once taught someone and she really cut off without considering the folded hem… I almost did too and what’s worst, I doubled the length I need to cut. I fold to where I want. Instead of cutting the bottom, I want to cut the top… crazy… After a while I realised, I need to consider the hem and not keeping the original. First Jea...

  Kinder bueno. Finally, this is the last one of the 5. I still like it but I don’t buy that often. Sis bought one and I couldn’t resist the temptation. Still got another one…  Almost done. I already finished one of this… This is the second one. Left this… about a quarter more to go. …. Just as I am trying to finish all that. Aunty threw this at me to finish it… So it is ok if I weigh 72 kg tmr…. hope I don’t go up to 80. 2022 tiger year… I will avoid choc.  在这样下去我要离家出走了。

 The earth will be peaceful if we resist the urge to fight each other to be the best of the best so we can kill each other and to be exact, to kill more people. People exist why we have to fight each other and not live in peace. Is it greed or what do you call? a megalomaniac… If we took care of each other, will you have to worry about anything at all to survive? We should seek knowledge. Knowledge on how to bring this world to become a better place to live in. Knowledge on how to bring back lost soul. Knowledge on how to stop people from going astray or to the extreme. This isn’t a race. If you treat it as a race, it will be. The only winning prize is you gained your power but you lost the souls of many who died for your deeds. In a race, there is only one winner. If it’s just a walk, everyone wins. If everyone worked together to bring the world to become a better place, it is better than destroying one part of the world to grant another part of the world with wealth. Then the nex...

Missing getelements method of js.

Dinner I wonder why people scold another person Ang Ku Kueh... 

I realised the design has been changed... without acknowledgment. Anyway, I never attend the meeting. Mainly followed the design given to me in the cloud. Well, as much as they changed... actually no need to do also can right? anyway, I forgot to resist that urge.... I was doing translation then it occured to me the design was different for the previous page that I have done... I thought it was my problem but thinking back, nope, I would follow based on their design. All the width changed... All the arrangements changed. They have definitely changed the design. Hm. I didn't write to say this. I realised there is a spelling error. I was wondering why the title involved "The Gift Of Light". I wonder what is the best translation. I translated to "光之礼物". I wonder when did they become so angelic. Then, after a while I realised the F character was lost. It should be "The Gift of Flight"... 👻 I realised something... Why am I always translating... ???  Previo...

有的时候我会被我自己笨到

used the phone to check email... well... I think one bad thing about handphone is that all email dont have a popup hints that tells u what that button does. All looked the same. not iphone user, not outlook user. Today might mark the day and thereafter that I might be fired. 😁 I either pressed forward or accept an invitation that was sent to the whole group. I saw my forwarded email and it was sent along with everyone. Then I saw the invitation was accepted by me. Wah, never sent email to the whole organization before.... and phone cannot retrieve it back. My laptop took 30 mins to finally able to open the email. Well, that was way over the time limits to retrieve back my email. Ah, faster buy 4d. Maybe buy my ID.  Then faster find another job. 👻

我们有一样的手机 🤭

 Wanted to order but no delivery available. Why everyone eat mcd…  These few weeks seemed like more people going to work. Mrt getting crowded again. Breakfast also. I wanted the over easy egg with fried noodles. Every morning when I wanted to buy, no more eggs… Then one morning, I saw they have about two eggs left. There is only one guy in front and he took one egg. The one left puts up hope of me finally get to have it. Well, guess what. The guy in front tapao another one and I saw the only egg left gone before my eyes… SAAAAAD… Then I switched queue and go to the fried carrot cake stall. Ask them to add more egg and chilli. After I order, the breakfast stall top up the EGGS… I can only cry in my heart silently. Looking at those eggs and the now longer queuing line gets to have them… SAAAAAD… Then yay, this morning I got them! Finally. I guess it will be more available around 8am rather than 7am… Happy thing, I get to have prosperity burger once already. Today like everyone d...

不见了 有两个意思 很难过 有两个意思

我想要减肥。我没有说谎。我真的只是想而已。🛐 我觉的只能靠祈祷才能成功了。  

 又吃火锅了，本来说的最后一个是新年的， 结果又吃了。 Certain things felt like a mirror image but followed you at a slow motion. Or more like a recording that lagged. You will only see and hear maybe a few seconds after you moved. Certain times, you felt like that. You have gone through it but if you have not, you won’t know. Until you saw somebody who walked the same steps and you warned them. Well, they still took the same steps as you regardless… just as you did. Sometimes, it happened once and sometimes twice. The worst is after three times still…  And you realized, there is no point. One thing though, if you want antivirus on ur system, you need extra cpu and ram. Because even if the app took a thousand or millions times smaller memory, antivirus will run as high as ever. Even without an app, it will run by itself and get stucked… I felt like anti virus does not do the anti thing. It is itself a virus. Paid virus.  Back to the laptop, I surrender already. It was even slower after the update. ...

我的肚子从星期天撑到现在。好张。 I sat on the reserved seat. There were two when I entered. I sat down with my big bag and a small hand carry. um... i played shopee game and then rest my eyes. Just as I wonder if there is anyone who needed the seat, a lady beside me standing walked to the opposite seat and asked another lady who was seated at the reserved seat to get up but gently and politely informing which I thought was for herself. She then step aside instead of sitting down. I didn't know why until another lady standing beside her sat down. I didn't see clearly but seemed like she was pregnant. I wonder why she went past me since the door was beside me. Anyway, I hope not because of my tummy. I have been feeling awful with it for two days already. It is bulging and has no intention to subside. Well, felt sorry. I am not pregnant though. I am just fat. My laptop is heavy and my bulging bag too. maybe that makes it seem like I am also a pregnant lady. well, I am glad that the lady  hint the...

Today, I sent my laptop to upgrade the software. It is not working as intended so they say it is strange. I shouldn’t have send it back actually. Anyway, the laptop is as useful as useless. So, actually I could do things a whole lot slower. But, it is my time they are wasting even though I am getting paid to waste it. The damned laptop which someone gave to a developer. Then they withdraw internet access. It is not a joke. They are serious. Actually, I can just took the laptop. Everyday my only job is to check email, startup and shutdown the laptop. That’s all I can do with it. Easy right? Well, when I brought the laptop back, they say it is going to take a while. Since 10:30 am this morning. I bet they need 3 days based on the hell speed of the laptop. I can do even slower if all I am looking for were money. How fast you want your F1 driver drives?  Anyway, I am using my own laptop. Based on the speed, I actually don’t have to work for a few days and even today actually. ACTUALLY ...

早上4点睡，早上10点起。十一点半出门。一点半吃火锅。吃到饱死了。三点半才吃完。走了一圈牛车水，还是两圈。喝了一杯咖啡冰。好喝。是一家老咖啡店。Nanyang Old Coffee. 是真的老咖啡店。 现在9点半了。打完这些过了十分钟。应该打开电脑加点工，还是烫完衣服睡觉。有时候晚上的想法比较好所以会想晚上多做一点。可是又怕第二天没精神。。。我以后还是要这样过吗？每天都被这些东西打乱了时间。我想下一个工作，可以每天留个时间给自己的吗？自己的时间是没有任何用头脑的时间。睡觉以外。每天把心都放在工作上，以前会很兴奋，现在看到他比看到鬼还可怕。继续这样下去，那种不懂是什么的压力就一直烦我。每天烦。。。 这乱的乱，整齐也乱。。。

 She encore the song before I exit. Actually she did sing in tune this time but not that loud.

 Somebody boarded the mrt along with me, singing at high and loud notes with the musics blasting from her phone. At one time, I wonder what would have happened if I joined her. She didn’t sing in tune. She was definitely high but I don’t know why it is so funny… It’s like the movie scene. Somebody boarded the train and the music that usually comes with it especially like those in the action movie. She boarded the train with her own sound effect and what’s funny was when she pulled those high notes upon entering. 😅 just that not in tune. The highly influential high notes by the original singer on her phone continued to sing in high notes as the mrt moved while still hearing a few notes from her. I guess the music channeled through a few cars.

 Going to meet friend for early cny lunch. Along the way, I saw a dog shitting then the owner picked it up. I saw an eagle flying low across the blue sky. Then I saw some flowers blooming along the path and there were butterflies fluttering around the bushes. Apart from my stomach ache, everything is beautiful. Slept too little so I woke up late and not enough time to go in the morning. In the end, found the public toilet. Public toilets like half the cubicles were under maintenance. Half the water tap not working. The dedicated soap dispenser not working but I realised, it is not supposed to work. Only the ones above the tap should be used. Designs?? Just like I put my buttons everywhere, User pressed every buttons and finally found the one needed. It was there just in case the other one doesn’t work. It was there just because there was no intention to use but someone it comes with it. The whole package is there whether you want it or not. I was trying to solve the scrollviewer is...

 I just get to bed. Almost 4am now. The moon is so bright that it illuminates the room. Well, while I was typing, it dimmed but still as full. Probably the fog. Who is watching it at this moment too I wonder. It reminded me of a word “lunatic”. Mum taught me vocab in primary school. Luna means moon. Those who look at the moon are crazy therefore the word lunatic mean crazy… well… it is going to define me.

我想我的孤单不是应为一个人。我的孤单是找不到和我一样想法的人。 他们说他们在解释。可是我看到的是流氓式的攻击掩饰多过解释。不管是语言还是动作都是以权势欺负别人。有可能后面有个很大很大的集团都在做这些事所以可以那么不害怕。纵容自己的孩子去做这些，更是让我觉得有可能走到这一步没有人阻止反而有一群这样的社会养成的鬼类。看不到听不到，可是一直都在。一个被发现其实也不代表所有的坏人都被抓走了。王力宏就算再好，也变成了鬼类。你可以有缺点有秘密，但是伤害到了别人或者以伤害别人的方式解决，就不会是我可以继续支持你的理由了。应为这样就等于支持我讨厌的行为。有些人有后路可以走，可是不是每个人都有。你要让社会改变你还是你要改变社会，都是一个选择。我只是两个都不选。也许在当下你看不到自己做了什么，可是当你往后看的时候，你才会发现自己的正常逻辑已经掉进水沟里了。你以为的正常已经和别人眼中的正常差的很远。有些正常只有在一个人到了极端的状况下以为的。往后看吧。你需要的不是往前看。 如果救不了自己，什么都不是。

 有好几个晚上，想着如果能睡一觉就上了天堂，有多好。是最幸福的事。而你却还要活着。活该。

 No one truly knows what happened code behind or how the thing actually operates. Damned Ancestor. No where to be seen but ur curse lingers. 

我很烦。别烦我。

Heard from sis about wang leehom again. At first, I half believe both parties. After current altercation, somehow, I think the wife should just report to the police. Saw a lot of online users, obviously some that can be bought if you know about how the net works, starting to point fingers at the wife horrendously. If it was done purposely, obviously using the net to trap the wife because it cannot be done any other ways. If it is a divorce, both parties cannot be faultless. The last part was rather a bad act and probably makes me think, he is up to something to cover something. Well, up to this point, from the way he acted, he looked like he could do what the wife was talking about. Although, from my previous point of view, it was half truth, all these actions make it whole as if there is no way he could be the way I think he was in the first place. Unbelievable. This time round, whatever they have in hand, the wife should just hand them over to the police and don't need to think m...

我像是 小数点 第几位 存在但 能自动 被省略 也习惯不避嫌 跟你看作一对 Not the whole song but well this part pretty much sums everything up. I am just a decimal place. 好狡猾 好侥幸 好浪费 谁道歉 都虚伪 我们都 是坏人 没筹码 却想赌赢一切 贪图痛彻心扉 找不到施力点 你既是谁 又不是谁 进不进 退不退 又怎样 爱不爱 等不等 都不说 无人知晓 多美 蝴蝶海 呢喃著 唇边的名字 哽咽了 半梦半醒的故事 放开手 滚烫的泪静静地 看着它消逝 那些爱 躲不掉的一场劫难 用力呼吸用力忘记 终究你站在原地 有的时候到了  无人知晓 可不可怜 就开始觉得还有剩什么是值得的。 我已经不是我了。我已经变成了你。

wasted 1 bloody hour just to start the bloody laptop.... visual studio won't even run without restarting twice... can i hold it out till then. maybe i should follow aunty footstep. Buy 4d. probably earn more than I work.

 Have to go back…. 😭😭😭 

 我要疯啦！

The things I wonder if this job is a joke at all. Do they know what software engineers do? Otherwise why would they give a laptop that might have problem even with running an app or two. Not to say to develop app with it. Most of the app won't even build. Now, my last straw of using my own laptop, my own touch screen monitor and even my own account for testing... is not even enough and I have to use my own data plan. Then they blocked internet access for a software engineer who needs internet access to get work done. They thought apps can teleport itself for deployment I guess. They thought these app can work offline. Their brain is somehow offline that this happened... Every problem, I used my own solutions and yet, instead of helping, they impeded the work flow. Is it funny? yes. and ridiculous too. I am applying for other job... because I have wasted too much time on their ridiculous joke pulled on a software engineer. Not to say put in extra hours just to help them rush out wha...

 Need to submit resume.. Third time writing for the same company… I opened up the laptop, went for a shower. Throw the trash. Ok, just nice, it opened. Well, cannot connect to the vpn. I was supposed to sign in. Then I have the resume in the company’s email. One click, every click is obviously lagging behind… the differences were huge. I was thinking why did I make my life so hard. I can really just bring this laptop to work. My work is half an hour waiting for my laptop to startup properly… The drags make me feel like… ok… i turned it off. Tomorrow brings it to the office but then I will have a lot of things to bring back…. just in case I needed them to wfh next week. My life is a mess. While I was thinking about joining the hackathon for 500 amazon vouchers, aunty strike 500 4d. What a sad life I have. Probably my ambition is to be an aunty like her in the future. Buy 4d can earn more than I worked with blood and tears. My shoes were scrapping against the back of my ankle. Normal...

 错过了广播。。。还以为没那么快出。 家里工作，太容易分心，别人家的办公室不方便。回到公司很难专心。我在想还有哪里可以让我工作可以专心又不会分心还方便呢？很难吗？我看着电脑就快要找到了。一乱又要重新开始。其实不知道为什么我听到跺脚的声音会很烦。每一次都会。刚好那里都会有至少一个🤦‍♀️楼上的邻居也喜欢跺脚，公司也有。 而且感觉上要从楼上踩下来。会不会跺到一个洞。我不管什么声音都可以睡觉，可以专心。也许自己跺不会感觉到什么吧。可是我很烦。 烦死了。刚好我在回音的那条直线。听的非常非常清楚。

 It is a torture just to turn on this shit computer. I have done throwing rubbish, used the toilet and back. It is still loading. Now login already, 15 mins passed, still stuck just trying to turn on vpn. It made me question everything. It is a nightmare. I cannot believe I spent almost a year with this shitty laptop. What a waste of time.

 Going to work from office tomorrow. Got tonnes of things to move. The thing is actually can I still fit in my clothes. I wonder. hope so. gotta sleep early. pros and cons of office

时间对小孩来说很长。可是长大了以后，2022 随便的就这样到来了。我的回忆差不多都忘了。 美里有一个地方叫2020。小的时候如果到美里，就会去。十岁的时候 - 我记不起几岁但左右。妈开车要去2020，我就问了妈为什么名字叫2020。她说是应为2020年。说了很多我听不懂。当时连2000年都还没有过。2020年对我来说很远。可是我现在已经在自己疑惑的2020年的两年后。我的blog除了应为2020年以外，也是那一年我也换了工作方向。以前忙顾不到很多事。心好累。有心没有力。我一直在向前。可是大部分的时间我很想放弃。我想天啊，祢可不可以告诉我该去哪里。 我没有听。我就想找到自己该有的生活。没有任何人的生活。我想要的宁静和能够让我安静的思考这世界对我来说的意义。可是当你已经很累了，意义怎么挖怎么变都不会出来。我准备好了，想回马来西亚过一过。应为在这样下去，我不是疯子就是死人一个。当时也病了。我也已经在找到地方租了。差不多可以的时候，结果有个之前填的资料，GA BootCamp 打了给我。 说我去面试。马来西亚的BootCamp还没有找好。应为我还没有看哪一间比较好。而且要申请银行户口。东马人其实不能在西马开户口。一直就在汶莱和新加坡生活，我都不知道。结果就延迟了。本来想回东马开户口后再办。我只想要宁静的空间。很难吗？ 这是天注定我离不开吗？ 后来GA和我说我被选中了。然后也应为Covid回不去马来西亚。新年前要看地方可是银行户口必须在东马。回家的时候就一直传有covid的事。后来回来了。就那一个星期我想要去看地方，就封了。后来就去GA。结果新的方向从那一天开始。上帝，这是你要我去的方向吗？结果就越来越多关于软件工程的工作。我不知道这是个幸运还是又是我从前的影子。 好多时候都是这样。 学院刚好马来语要D以上才能进，我刚好就D。 大学我也是拿的刚刚好才可以进。而且在想要读哪一间的时候其实就只有一间可以选。 硕士也是刚刚好。我不是什么都好就是都是刚刚好。什么都学一点看一看。其实最快乐的是当侍应生的我时候学会了泡奶茶还有做花式咖啡。看西式料理文化。小时候想当音乐家。妈不让我学钢琴。梦想不能当饭吃。没有饭吃。可是我还是会看到钢琴班离家里一小时的车程的表格，就会填写自己的名字。每次都是失望。有时候想离家出走。要谢天谢地的事汶莱没有车哪里也去不了的地方。不能当音乐家后来想当厨师。做了两次...