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Jobs

 Was trying to think things through. I hate applying for jobs like many people do. Yet, I also hate working culture. Before you enter that culture, you liked the job. After getting the job, you gradually hated your job.

Right now, I have no portfolios apart from those bootcamp stuff. I think I won’t be able to share work related projects since it is under NDA. I don’t really have lots of coding background. Fit into cultures when all I care was code. Reading about the job description and the processes actually reminded me of me being in that kind of condition again. That just sounded so much like it. Why people wouldn’t want or why people would want to. I don’t think it is totally management. More like tradition. A kind a toxic tradition. Baseless tradition. Hand me down tradition. Not my fault tradition. Oops tradition. Lazy tradition. Many more if you named them. If everything never changed, meaning, everything that was done to prevent that never turned out to be fruitful. I am not clever but sometimes frustrated. Everybody did but they continue on.

Like while I was ice skating at the rink. I have been skating in the same direction for too many rounds that one of my legs felt stressful repeating the turn. I tried to do the other direction. Well, that’s disastrous. That’s when you are forced back to the same direction as it is with all kinds of work. Too many people, changing direction is a great effort.

Fishes were the same. At SEA Aquarium, there is a small aquarium where you can view the small fishes from the top. It’s a small one and the school of fishes were actually turning round and round a rock in the same direction. Getting busy. Are they lost. When there is a bigger space, that won’t be the case.

We are just fishes that kept moving. 

Anyway, I will just see which comes first but I am really tired on keep focusing on the interviews. I felt like everytime I did or to do some works, I thought about the next interview and the next. It is like a stopper. If I lost this job, will this be good for the next interview. If I did this job, the same question go. Once again, the fish in pod. All my life, it felt like an interview. Not all, mostly during Uni and thereafter. All you do was never aiming for a good cause but a good career which doesn’t exist. I think a good career only exist when people make them so. 

back to square one. Well a circle.

Maybe I am not good enough and I should save the time to make out what I can achieve.

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