Meaning in life

 

I find meaning here. I have been waiting for it. The clicky switches were just wasting their life away in the cupboard. I found a house for them at 53 dollars. I got all the Keycaps quite a while ago. I quickly set them up. I was looking around for the white arrows. I forgotten I replace them at my other keyboard :) I covered them with clothes and only realised when I looked all over. Thought I misplaced them. Bought some coloured one. Took me about half to an hour. Now I felt awake so when use macbook can change also. Shall I continue to work or go to sleep?

I bought all the payment terminals back home. With omicron, hm… best to stay home. If there is no covid probably I like office. I like home because I don’t have to stay in aircond room. It is safe. There is a bed to rest your eyes and when you get up you work. Save 3 hours travelling time for all that also can.

Process A = 20%

Process B = 20%

Process C = 20%

Process D = 20%

Process E = A + B + C + D = 1%

where is the 19%? I put them in the pocket. I baked it, I put it outside the sun to dry it. I donated them for a cookie. I bought an ice cream. It is on my keyboard. I put it under the pillow and wait for percentage fairy to pick it up so I will have a dollar for a banana. It costed about 8 dollars delivery on Shopee. Maybe it went missing like my arrow keys… Actually maybe the 1% doesn’t even exist. Maybe I don’t even exist. What if one day, we woke up, and God said you have all been living in your dream. Now, your life begins. You have to do whatever that was in your dream and you have to do it all over again. “NOooooooooooo”, you began to cry and God said, “Just Kidding”, and send you back to your dream. He said you have to dream longer before you start to live. “Go back”. “What” You mean I have to repeat the dream again and even longer than now? “NOOOOOOOOO”. God then said “You asked too much!” I said, “Nooooo, I neverrrrrr”. “NO is too much to ask”, God said. I said, “NOooooo”. That’s how I am still here til now living on Earth. What the hell. Maybe I will work a bit more tonight but I worried if I meet a problem, I will have to fix it before I can sleep. There I go, thinking for half an hour. If I just go to sleep, I would have an additional half an hour sleep. If I just go to work, I would have an additional half an hour of work done. Now, I have use the half an hour for nothing. “Nooooo”. Moral of the story, don’t think. Just do. If don’t want, just don’t. Ah, if this is a dream, I can do whatever I want. Well meaning when you woke up, you will have to do it again. So what are the things? more money? More Monkey? well. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh… Nothing. I just screamed silently. I just think silently. Over the “block”. This “block” was never a blog. It wasn’t what it was and never will it be. Just pathetic. I thought coding, you can just sit alone and code like the guys next to our office. Sometimes, you were just at the wrong place the right time. Or it was the wrong time at the right place. Or the wrong time and the wrong place so that you have be at the right time and the right place? I guess everything would be different if I never chose this path but what path would I have walked that I would not think it was the wrong path. What is the right path? Probably I will be a librarian. Soliditary. Then, I realised you need a degree to be a librarian. Ah. Of course. Do librarian read? Do they like the books or the library? Do they arrange books all day? I used to arrange my mum’s shop. Whenever the paints were not arrange by their numbers, it affects me. I could spent the day arranging them and make sure their front faced front. Now, I hated everything that is in order. I am not sure why. I wanted them not to match. It feels better when they are all different. Hm… I wanted to make every single key of my keyboard different shape and color… It gave me the excitement of how it would be like to type them than when they are all in order. How fast can I type them???? No way. I mean at least still in good quality but different shape and size. Probably I will make that my new year resolution. Collect one of each keycap until the end of the year and still able to type at 84 wpm. Actually my speed fluctuates but I cannot figure out why. Sometimes close to 100 sometimes 65… maybe I am crazy. Maybe I wasn’t me I have split personalities. I have the 65wpm self, 84 wpm self and 100 wpm self. What shall I call myself. I need to think of 3 names for each of them. Sometimes, I can add sums fairly easily but sometimes, I can’t well. Never mind. It is 12. I think I will just be Zombie this month. I hate to do things halfway. Sometimes, I would rather have all the requirements ready before starting work. I was like having two extremely different natured job. Previous job was like, every single requirements to the tiniest details needed to be there. Calculations and Drawings must be there. Measurements methods must be there. Reports must be there. I chased after people and people chased after me. Anything you cannot do, the next morning you can do. Good thing I didn’t have Jira. Bad thing, there is a meeting everyday. Every single day. Even nights, even midnights. Although it sounded crazy but sometimes thinking back, it is indeed crazy. We don’t need Jira because we are Jira. Because everything goes by plan, if not by plan, we make another plan or there is no such thing as a second plan. If there is a second plan, the first plan should never exist.

Now, I am on the extreme other end. Requirements last. Do first. I have Jira… don’t kaypoh is best. Keep mouth shut the beat. Otherwise in deep trouble.

Aiya… why????? Noooooooooooooo! can I have something in the middle. 

Everything is by situation but what situation is best.

You went into a surgery room and it was arranged nicely. Your doctor planned ahead and made all the research. You even know the percentage you would die. The doctors know what are the tools and people needed. The surgery started and you die afterwards.

You went into a surgery room and it was arranged with all the things in the world. With only space for you to lie, a doctor and an assistant. Anything you named it is within reach. You need it or don’t need it, it is there. You have the analysis of how many people before have died and lived. You know the percentage you die, half die, half alive or nothing. You also have the miracle percentage. You also have the bad luck percentage. Every time passed, they can tell you, in 1s at this minute, your percentage to live dropped a bit, and then later on in another minute, it will increase. The surgery started and you die afterwards.

You went into a surgery room and there is nothing inside. You found a doctor and ask for a surgery. The doctor said just sit in, you might have a surgery. You asked if there is any percentage that you will be alive? Doc said, no, I will only know after I did the surgery. You said Ok. You saw there is no surgery equipment. You asked if he needed any, you can go look around and see if there is anything that is useful. He replied, hm, I will use whatever you found to operate you. You walked out of the room and immediately saw a light, you brought in. You walked out of the room and saw a chair, You brought them in. You walked out again, found a chessboard. You brought that too just in case you woke up halfway in the surgery and needed it. You saw a nurse at the counter and ask if she could join in the operation. The nurse said yes. You found a TV at the common area. That should keep me acquainted. I spent like a few second thinking how to spell acquainted and tried every possible way and finally, the suggestion turned it up. Like chinese char… you may not know how to read or write, but if you have seen the word before, you can see the list. You go on and found a kitchen knife and committed suicide. committed got double m and double t. You woke up and it was just a dream. The room never exist. The thing is you are already dead. You haven’t even reach the surgery room and you die. If you understand, I am just writing whatever that comes to my mind without thoughts or with lots of thoughts. It could go on for days and nights. It could go for another few millions of words if I am just typing away on my hp when I can type on my keyboard. Cos only my phone can take a picture of my keyboard. My keyboard is clicky. I got a new friend… I am crazy but what if I am the only normal one. Normal means the norm. If everybody is doing it, is normal. So if everybody became crazy so that means everybody became normal. Crazy is normalized. I haven’t make my writings into Paragraphs. The teacher used to mark me down. I always wrote my essay in one paragraphs. In Malay and in English. In Malay, I would have survive with half though. I guess the teacher would find it interesting to decipher my stories like how we define what ancients writing means. What if one day people in the future found what I wrote. How would they decipher it. Would this phone and data survived until then or it will survive with half of its data. Why write down, when one day all shall come to past. Nobody will know clearly what exactly happened and probably predicted many of the outcomes. Probably they will think I am one skinny bitch with lots of thoughts and words. I must be very sophisticated. I have written one paragraph longer than many and it never ends. This is unlike so many that was found. In fact, a teacher would have cut off many marks. But I am marks rich. I have a 100 points, why don’t I wasted it a bit. Why would I spent time thinking when the marks I have to donate to my teacher. I could have made them into paragraphs, people who read it still reads it. People who don’t just don’t. No matter how many paragraph was there. If I did split into paragraph, I may split the wrong sentence. Some sentence should belong to the next. See, I shouldn’t have split them. I still lost it. If that paragraph is related to each other, the. write them together. I think the paragraphs are all related. Have I missed any point? hm… The paragraphs thing. I remembered a book our literature teacher told us. It was a book with no full stop but I don’t remember if there is any punctuation. I don’t remember. I wonder why my teacher read all kinds of book. I didn’t remember. Did I found them from the library. I think I did or was it a dream that I found the book? I have a glimpse of how the page looked like. Old yellow paper. With a few commas and ands. I am not sure if I have read the book or what it was all about. I was reading Noddy, Charmed, Fear Streets, Archie, 白蛇传, 老夫子, The Lion, the Wardrobe and the King, Roald Dahl, Harry Potter, textbooks. I found a book at my Brother’s place. It was additional maths. I realised taking a book that was not yours was stealing but everybody knew I had the book… Everyone knows I stole it but didn’t tell me. Well, I wonder if everybody only tell when asked, what the world will be like. If everybody tell without asking, what it would be like. You know why I hated social life. It is as complicated to me as that. Everything has a meaning. Everything is as you want it to mean what, it means what… My next job, I want to be a loner. Where I am safe. Probably a vampire. I don’t want to find a dozen vampire lurking around when I finally became one. Maybe sit outside toilet and collect money. No, nobody does that anymore. I will put one twenty cents there, it will be gone. Then going to toilet is free. cents got an s. Being single yet plural. How great languages have been tricking us! The evil ancestors. Shall we make more to make fun of our next generations ;) Well, I rather they have fun but all words may have lost its meaning. Or they created one themselves. It’s all about the rules. Maybe there will be 27 or 28 alphabets in the future. Or maybe 100. Poor thing. Will that make spellings easier to learn. Will they standardize so that no one word shall have repeated alphabet. Like wil I spel like this beter or worse. Can I do the speling so I can type les and no one wil mix up when to use double e or i or l or t or s or d or f or b or m or n or c? soccer and socer. Manner and maner. Banner and Baner. Belly and Bely or Beli or Bele why not choose one. Maybe put coder as codderer. coofin instead of coffin. Bani instead of Bunny. Hahahahaha. laft laik a… I don’t even have to finish a sentence. Hahahaha only repeat 4 Ha is correct. One more a or h or ha is considered one. Hahahaha means lafter. Laughter would give a spank on the head. Or on occasion you can only use hahahaha. If it is a noun use Hahahaha is plural use Hahahahas , singular a bit special Halofjjdnlauhd. Spel wrong, just gif me mark. I deserved more marks creating those words man. Who created these words and who make them these words… Find them and debate please. plis? pliss plliss