Very much troubled

I am still very much affected by the show. I never liked sad ending. 😠 😠 😠  I hate this feeling. 😠 After spending a day to watch it and this is what I got. 😠 

It’s like something stuck in my heart. The more I rmb from the show, that awful feeling is there.

I got to Shopee and was thinking should I buy another keyboard. I am thinking maybe this keyboard thing started when I was younger. We had a computer at my father’s office but at that time it is the only one. Supposed to use it for doing account and cctv. Somehow, I wasn’t allowed to use it. All those while we have been using typewriter to write account statement (20+ years ago ma). Then there is electronic typewriter. This one I don’t have to hit so much. I was still in primary school. I used it to type my own tutorial questions. Then later on help my dad to type out the statement. Alignment is all by eyes and hands.

I don’t have much toys to play with. I played with the real thing. I got a knife which I started using since primary school. I didn’t know what is the danger of knife. I used it to cut lots of things. Plywood, paper, tape, cardboard etc. I know how to use a drill too. The computer was no longer working and I played with an unplugged keyboard. Typing stories into nothingness as my playtime. I didn’t like writing because it made my hand felt very tired. Then my mum bought a small toy computer for my younger brother. Didn’t have the chance to really use it but it broke anyway. Forgotten why. Since it is broken, nobody used it and so that becomes my toy. I typed into nothingness. All the words were in my mind. All the left, right, up and down were on my mind. Even when I typed the wrong letter, I used a backspace. Every types count and the screen was on my mind. When I used a computer, I think those practices somehow helped me in visualising when there is none at all. Maybe that typing feels good and so, I have been finding a keyboard that I really wanted but so far, there is always something lacking. hm…

When the times come, I wonder when we are all dead, do we still exist? What’s making people feeling like living in this world is really important? If you have suffered so much and why do you still like this world?