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Different world if I am on the other side

I think I should change my role. Why not I don’t clean up after every meal and I spent my free time while somebody else  do that? No magic sink anymore. Why not I got my toys and play around with it while the one who doesn’t have to do anything got it.  Why not I spend my time playing around like other kids did and not having to care how much did our shop earned that day and what are the things needed to be done or not done? Why not I spent the time watching tv or just do nothing and wait for lunch to be cooked and not even have to prepare anything just like everyone else did? Sometimes, I do hope being alone. At least, I am alone and truly alone. Not like alone but still have to serve as if I don’t matter to anyone too. What makes girls have to know how to do all that and to do all that? I realised don’t put in all the work and let people trample on after all what you have done was still considered too little. Why can’t people just stop wishing people will always do things for them and if somebody never did then it’s their fault for not serving them. Somebody is not lazy just because they don’t do the work for you. To me, everyone else always comes first and why should I put anyone first at all when I barely mean anything to them. I might as well mean nothing happily and enjoyed the solitude. Well, I am even happier if I never truly exist in this world. Neither can I feel happy or sad and I don’t have to feel anything. To me, everything comes with a price and when it comes from me for free, I regretted not getting anything from it. People expect you to keep your silence. Just remember, things given were truly given. I didn’t expect anything in return but I also don’t expect to always give up to a point that it leads to a spoilt behaviour. I don’t give just so I can get. I give just because I felt like giving and that is all. What’s so good about like I have everything in the world but truly not having the things that I truly wanted? Sometimes I do wonder if there were just lost. I never learnt to love because I don’t think it ever exist in my world and I never trusted it to. The things that I loved were never mine and they were never found or they were never there to begin with. I have loved you for as far as I remembered. Have I ever meant anything to you.

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