Reflection

 I need career advice. Should I look for a new job or should I not? The series of unplanned events has reached up to a point that I think is enough to drown me. Although I am ok but it is not ok. I felt like I am not really growing in my skill sets but just trying real hard to connect something to a network. Well, everything comes with a manual but I have none. Some codes were given but not instructions. 

Would you say it is a skill learnt. I am not so sure. I saw some job ad posted by Wikimedia. Looks like kind of the job I would do but then the office is in the US, remote in Sg and it is based on a charity to operate. Will it be a long term plan for me? So far, I have not done anything like that. It’s not for me to decide also. 🌭 I just had this for dinner, after the western food downstairs closed on me.

I like my job but the constant changes, lack of information and lack of test or even real devices make me felt very frustrated sometimes. Probably things that only need one day could takes up to a week. My own test environment set up, then test when I can when I have the environment. Revert back when I am back to my own again. I felt like I am wasting too much time on these useless switching that done more harm than good. If I have more time, it should be spent on reviewing the codes logic or at least the quality. It is pointless too because anytime, the whole structure requires changes due to some unforeseen circumstances. Sorry to the software engineer that I used to scold for the bugs in the app and you simply don’t care about it. I can see why now. For me, it is crushing me because I hate the bugs. The fact that I have to leave it so I can do more stuff makes me restless. I can’t get over this somehow. I felt like keep improving it but then that wouldn’t let the job done. Worst still, after you have perfected it, the plan changed… The only thing that drives me away from feeling bad about the bugs is probably anger. Hope I get angry enough to ignores that. Then I could get the job done fast. Probably a day or two without sleeps if I am really angry. It would take one or two weeks if I am not. It was the momentum that allows you to sprint forward at a faster speed. Once you stop, you have to gain back. Bad thing about that. I probably won’t be functional for a week after that. 

Although I still think life is just nothing while everything is a disguise of this nothingness. I shouldn’t waste it away when I am alive. I don’t even think being alive is so worth it. Since I am still, I better be doing something good or else I would be wondering why the hell am I still alive… If you see through life, it is all a lie. When all is beautiful if you never heard of ugly truth. 

Venting of frustration ended.