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新年了

It's another chinese new year. This time round, usually we would go back to Brunei and Miri but it wasn't the case this year because of C-19. I think there were twice I never celebrated at home. Once was when I was studying in TARC. Another was when I was studying at NTU. I was staying in a hostel at TARC and I guess I was the only one in the whole hostel who never go back. The quietness was a bit scary and I did wonder how I got through it. Everyone go back for cny. I was trying to save the flight money so I chose not to go home. It used to be expensive to fly back. Flight was like only a few times in a week. That's my bravest decision I guess.

While studying at NTU, holiday I can work full time although I was doing part time. Why not use the time to earn more. Aunty did brought me along to celebrate new year so I wasn't alone this time. Although I am someone who totally enjoy solitude, it is still not that good to celebrate cny along or rejected another goodwill. I would say, for all that I have, it's a grace.

Last year, I met a lot of good people and different kinds of people along the way. I took up two courses that changed my life and way of thinking. I looked back, everything has a meaning. For what I have achieved, it wasn't all from me but everyone who gave a hand along the way. Their kindness and support, I felt was the greatest thing I can ever received. Changing career or not, I felt a bit stressful. People don't see me, they see the labels that I have. If I don't have all that, what would I be. There were no smooth sailing. 

For this new job that I have, I am thankful for my wonderful colleagues who made me feel I am not alone even when I am. I guess certain things that I have, I am just lucky to have them. I don't really deserve it. Everything is team effort. Sometimes, I don't know how to embrace it. I am just lucky because of all the chances given to me. For that, I am thankful no matter how terrible things have gone or can get. Thank you everyone. Thank God too. Everytime I think I will never get through, He calmed my mind and these opportunities were somewhat not use to be there but somehow it was there when I think I hit a dead end. I wonder God, what was your will to me. I wished I have all the strength to carry myself and others through but at times, i felt bad when i can't even get myself through. I just hope I don't bring everyone down. 

May this year be a year of harvest and change. May it be filled with blessings, peace and harmony. I prayed for everyone's safety and health. 请你们都好好的。

我不会把心里话都说出来。久了就习惯了。最近一直想着怎么把事情做好。我觉得我好像还是做的不够好。之外，我想了很多其他的事。如果你在面临死亡的到来，你会做些什么。有些人有时间准备，有些人就突然的离开。我想我的路会走到那一个尽头。我不想要留恋这世界。我怕如果我太享受，得到的太多，我会很舍不得。现在这样很好。我没有在怕。我只是想怎么样才不会那么可怕。毕竟我是胆小鬼虽然有的时候很大胆，其实不是，就是自己神经大条不小心的大胆。

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