2020

Time to close your eyes So sleep can come around For when you dream you'll find All that's lost is found The place where lost things go Do you ever lie  awake at night Just between the dark and the morning light Searching for the things you used to know Looking for the place where the lost things go I do hope they are hiding somewhere where they could be found. As if things have never been gone. Like the things I have lost. Most of the times, they are lost inside my bag. Once, my mum gave me the tuition fees of $50 to pass to the tuition teacher when I was in primary 4 or 5. I fold it nicely and put it inside my new bag. When I reached, I couldn’t find it. I pulled out everything. Mum thought I spent the money and I ate kway teow. Months passed by and one day I didn’t remember how but I just think maybe it is inside. It couldn’t just disappear. I remember I really did put it inside the bag. The side of my bag was pretty flat because it was meant for pencils and pen. I took out ...

 😑  昨晚看了看。這裡找那裡找。找不到問題在哪裡。。。我看了視頻後 🏳️🏳️🏳️🏳️🏳️🏳️🏳️🏳️🏳️🏳️🏳️🏳️🏳️🏳️🏳️🏳️🏳️🏳️🏳️🏳️🏳️🏳️🏳️🏳️🏳️🏳️🏳️🏳️ 好吧。这世界太复杂。 不过还好是小事。可是时间没有了。我讨厌的是隐瞒。每次都是 do something but then never tell what…煩 

 我喜歡沒有隱瞞的溝通。因為我時常說錯話。也不知道什麼是秘密什麼是真的還有什麼是假的。所以有時後這種商業溝通的方式都是陷阱。什麼時候都會跳錯樓。我也不想參與這樣子的溝通。 科技上如果可以大大方方地聊我覺得還不錯。技術上有時候也是陷阱。這種陷阱會在你不注意的時候掉進去。 硬件有時候出了問題。會有好多的可能性出現在我腦海裡。可是是哪一個呢？有時候一開始的直覺就是最簡單的那一個。就拜託上帝就是這麼簡單的最好。因為如果不是就麻煩了。😑 我很多問題都是先開關。拆掉重建。檢查設定。這我想最基本的吧。不過我的錯誤有時不容易發現。因為太小了。

 原来是一个大公司。不简单所以工钱大。我该不该呢。这个和我大学读的科目有关然后工作是和我之前读的科目有关。钱很多。可是这个科目已经是10年前了。而现在这个科目也是快一年没动了。 后面一个是个小公司不过是国际startup公司。沟通方面不知到会不会很麻烦。可是主题是家。我之前想做关于家的smart device。可是自己没有能力开一个。让我很想试试。可是不知道公司是不是假的。会不会不稳定。和我之前的科目有关。 我其实是对自己没有信心。大公司要沟通的事很多。而我只想写程序。怎么办呢？ 我这几天都忙着一个打印机。要不然就扫描二维码。来来去去。。。

 這個有點不一樣。是個小公司。但是和我以前的想法一樣。可是這不會是詐騙集團吧。雖然看起來是真的。 I have to stop people from killing me so I can be stronger. People want to kill me I have to run lo.

 当我看到答案的时候。吐了好多血。 一个0一个1 *screaming at the top of my lung silently* The thing is I didn’t realised that and for the time passed. It is the most wasteful of time when the bug is that small but has the highest impact. Well, wrote the code and was trying out something. I think I got blocked by the security. sigh… The importance of test of program written by someone a novice like me is high. Do you dare to sit on a plane that never gone through thorough test and inspection. No matter how expert or novice they are, test is there to put everything in check. Although a bit too confident in something but not confident about somethings too. Just like today. Shit 钱多也好。钱少也好。其实只是不想浪费太多时间。毕竟我现在已经浪费了太多了。我想有多余的时间做其他的事。我已经很久没有动web了。还有我写的再多如果都是错误，那我想我是不是就浪费更多了。每件事如果都要花太久我觉得好难完成。是先累死还是又是被箭射死的那种➡️⬅️⬆️↘️↙️↖️⬇️↕️↗️↔️↪️↩️⤴️⤵️🔁🔄⤵️🔀🏹 其实看了开始，能够这样也很不错了。毕竟真的计划从来都没有。计划不是时间上的计划。是技术上的计划。技术没有，时间没有😭

 今天就好像我是一个教练。训练了12个足球员几个月。然后让他们去比赛打篮球。 写了测了。结果打印机不一样版本。 其实都没有给我测试过。而且已经很累了。我从开始工作到现在。差不多每个周末都还在工作。不懂得就找答案。有时候差几个密码。有时候找不到IP。有时候自己找别人没给的资料。每写一个程序其实很快就可以写好了。其实难的不是程序而是验证。应为那才是最重要的。还有测试。我能想的都写进去了。 明天以后其实就可以找工作了吧。 Felt like I have entered a dead loop.

 今天至少有一件事是对的。不过回到家就头晕头痛。可能晕车了。sigh。还有很多事要改了。。。很烦。。。 我想以前爸没有让我转校是对的。小学的时候非常讨厌中文。1 是很难读。2 是很难写。3 是都很难。所以总是吵着要换小学可是爸不换。忍着忍着就读完小学应为我们家附近没有中学是教中文的。不过后来应为爸只看中文。我喜欢的人只有在中文报看得到。其实如果只专注一个语言可能我的语言就不会那么差了。  想想了问题。其实如果没有必要那其实不需要。可是又好像哪里不对。1 为什么antivirus不会在指定的时间跑。2 如果当时也跑update那会不会也直接就update了。如果这是个手术app不会到做手术的时间update还有antivirus scan吧。我想就算我的app可以跑但是还是会有这个问题吧。可是我也觉得能够减少错误的方式还是要有的。只是时间的问题。还有之前对这个他们想要的app了解错误。以为如果有问题就要马上解决了在开始。可是不是。。。 今天有个人又介绍了我一份天差地别的薪水工作。可是如果也是像这样每天都靠trial and error 来做一些厂商不给的讯息那也没用。不过我有在看其它的只是。 不过有时候我已经尽量了。能做多远就会做多远。如果那样不够那就没办法了。如果以前没有这些经验我想应该连屁都没有。 别人赶我也赶。我只是打工的。我只想把我的事做完。吵架的事不关我的事。请上帝保佑我🙏

Hm… 如果八字不对造成的困扰那最好的解决方法应该是换个八字对的地方工作。那也不害人也不害己。 不是吗？当时如果我听了别人写的建议网上的讨论， 那我会在哪里。 我想应该也是会很累只不过是很烦的累还是很不错的累。累的晚上可以睡得着还是睡不着。其实这份工作一开始就有压力了。 才刚学不久就直接用了。 有些根本就没学过。 更多的事很多密码很多限制。没有机器可以测试。直接就加进去。还有是很多和以前不同。这三个真的很不同。每个人都有不同的建议也有完全没有建议。以前都是满满的计划表。现在能做多少是多少。可不可以中间一点。其实一部分我也觉得自己也有点慢。 问题是我不知道我需要多久可以完成。都是我没有做过的事。没有概念。虽然是肯定可以的可是如果很难就需要更多时间。我不知道多难但是多难的事都会有答案。应该都办得到。办不到也要办得到。工程师的咒语就是不懂但是永远都办得到的。有那个发明是不靠研究的。都是从不懂开始的。不过如果每样都从头学还蛮累的。有的时候沟通不对。我说A明白的是B。频率不对。不同的专业听到的不一样。也有可能是性格不同。 比如我问的是流程，变成这个怎么做。比如他们要什么水果， 他们听到的可能是水果怎么种。二期我真的不懂他们要什么。 一开始很严厉的说工作时间，穿的衣服，吃饭时间，记录，规律，好多东西，不可以这个那个一大堆。可是实际上都没有跟。那我该听谁的。其实我在想他们应该早就知道了吧。躲也没用。要不然就不会这么多事不可以了。 而且在考我的那一天，还听到生气的声音只是不知道是对谁不满意了。那时还没有开始工作只是面试房里听到。有点可怕。所以当时有点担心。如果我不学就会。那我不是太厉害了吗？明天再做决定。我本来就不适合这个世界。花了三个小时写了这个月做了什么。sigh 不过还好三个小时比每天一个小时的开会好很多了。每天一小时就快30小时了

Should I or should I not? Click the button but it’s a blank so it means not. Or have determination? Or let fate decides?

 Today is a very agonising day. Like Watching people committing “suicide”. Not entirely but this person just did everything he can though but when the mistake happened, I can’t help him but let him continue with it. It is quite stupid why I can’t stop him. Just rectify the problem and then let him continues. He was pretty good to start with. Very fast in catching up. The program crashed because of the connection. He immediately opens up the program and restart the application. The same thing follows when this time while I was doing my code, I just turned away for a while, he opened up another app… shit… I watched him redo the mistakes… Felt so bad for the guy. The connection was stupid to begin with. It stalls every few minutes. If it was good then it probably good for half an hour. I guess maybe another connection severed it. We are dealing with video uploading and downloading. No connection cannot do anything. If connection lost, what’s the point of having the technology when 90%...

 I was halfway through the application. Up to Education month and date. That was years back, I cannot recall le. Then I am not sure whether I have completed the application… I take this as a sign again. If I did or not just let it be. Anyway, after doing the stuff today, I felt like I spent four hours trying to connect a device from an IP address to another IP. The thing is I wasn’t trained on IT things… If I were, probably it would be a few minutes job. Then the connection ended so I asked Google again (who else 😑). Google gave me about 10 scenarios. Half of which I am not sure how to check what’s the cause of dropping LAN connection. First, it is the cable. Change the LAN cable. That’s what I liked the most. The rest I don’t remember… just kidding. Maybe another two like because it is static connection. When we set the ip ourselves, it may not be the most favourable connection that resulted in it dropping because it is weak. Another is some proxy setting which I kept on hearing ...

 I think I got the answer this morning. Makeshift things for makeshift plan. These makeshift things were like 50% of it and the makeshift plans probably 80% of it. I took the ends that deals with the makeshift. I think I have done enough covering the shits not there liao. Although not sure where does the fault lie, if it can’t be done peacefully, just let it be. Once done, I am considered gone liao. Should really be done as if I am never there.

 I need career advice. Should I look for a new job or should I not? The series of unplanned events has reached up to a point that I think is enough to drown me. Although I am ok but it is not ok. I felt like I am not really growing in my skill sets but just trying real hard to connect something to a network. Well, everything comes with a manual but I have none. Some codes were given but not instructions.  Would you say it is a skill learnt. I am not so sure. I saw some job ad posted by Wikimedia. Looks like kind of the job I would do but then the office is in the US, remote in Sg and it is based on a charity to operate. Will it be a long term plan for me? So far, I have not done anything like that. It’s not for me to decide also. 🌭 I just had this for dinner, after the western food downstairs closed on me. I like my job but the constant changes, lack of information and lack of test or even real devices make me felt very frustrated sometimes. Probably things that only need one...

世界不会说你很善良我给你你想要的。这个世界只会说你很善良我要拿走你拥有的。

 I am odd and never expected myself to be even.  Today feels like a combination of all my previous and current job. Doing wristband printing today. Was that the label that I did long long time ago. Are they still using the same paper and glue? Writing code and connecting to machines and operating them. Well, everything is just happening today. I was wondering should I move forward or should I see what I should really be doing. Sometimes it’s a crazy thing to continue when everything is not happening at hand and you cannot control. That is what I felt worst. It is as if having a hand and not able to use it. 

First, it was writing something for something that I don’t even see or touch before but at least they are requirements and I have some info to work on and at least a working environment. Now I don’t even see a thing and need to write for it. It was 2544 km away. Now, it’s live. People were given time to write and test with the equipment. I got thin air, a barcode scanner, a receipt printer. for a person who have used barcode scanner scanning a record of more than probably a hundred thousands barcode before… it’s a nightmare with top-up scare. If I am able to successfully write it, I guess my pay should be real high. Like the pay of a fairy who spent extra hours on such imaginary task. I can work real hard but it’s like working in a dream. Doing lots of stuff and probably achieve little or close to nothing. By luck, will I again?

有沒有一首歌叫我是瘋子。 😮‍💨 I think I might go crazy.  Remember a time when I was in primary 4. I always insist snake got no bones. I don’t know why, no matter how many times I got it wrong in the test, I will always put no bones. I don’t care if the teacher marks me wrong because I seriously believed snake do not have bone. Until a time, the textbook display the bones of a snake and then I realised it was my mistake. What a waste of the mark. Adult will tell you not to believe what everyone says. I think people will not tell me the truth so I don’t believe it until I see it. At times, I truly don’t believe whatever on the textbook when I saw a mistake there. I think the lesson learnt should be learning to verify with facts for everything that you have read or what has been told. Instead of resisting others but holding on to a belief that has no verification but your own understanding or even when it was told by many. Sometimes it gets harder to verify and I think the best way is to be neut...

烦. I got 10 more days. I am feeling all frustrated about this. Wasted most of the time editing previous things which weren’t included inside or updating certain things. I guess there were more of such task holding everything back and wasting time. I am tired. Did I chose this path correctly? should I have taken the apprenticeship earlier on or is this what I truly wants to do. Partly it does. I really can’t though physically with everything counting and working backwards. There are a lot more that I could have done better but now it’s just a pile of code. I did learn something but is it more than the apprenticeship? I couldn’t be sure. I wouldn’t want to just be on the same ground as yesterday. This is just draining away the good energy that I have finally gathered so far. 😔 

 烦死了

回家的路上。已经很久没有睡好了。昨晚想再赶快把翻译做完。其实不需要可是以后谁知道他们还会不会要。但是做完了就可以不用再管了。不必浪费时间吵。吵到最后还是要做的话那不如早点做完。结果眼睛睁不开。十二点就已经没办法了。想早点睡然后三四点起来做可是还是很累结果就睡到早上才起。越做越想放弃。 一直改，一直换，一直赶。没有停过。都是凌晨后睡七点起。星期一到星期六。一开始就什么都不知道。所以用了很多时间测试和写程序。还好以前学过繁体和简体。可是都只读到小学六年级。繁体到四年级课本就换简体了。都考写歌词和看报纸学的。看了两三天就已经很累了。。以前都没写过一个那么大的app。一做就是什么都要的。我开始有点怕了。好像越学越少。希望澳门那里没事。而且那么远什么都看不到。做起事来很难控制。我连机器都没看到碰到就要为它写有的没的。

就只是IP地址的距离。也只是我在乎而已吧。

Everyday seems like the craziest day. Score new high like hell. I was ask to grow apple but in the end they want orange… Today, it turns out to be a banana. I wonder should I do apple or orange or banana. 😮‍💨 做人好还是做鬼好. 当然是人啦。 鬼要每天工作到三更半夜.  我好累呀.