90 hrs

Everyday, at least 30mins wasted to turn on and off my laptop. For the 6 mths, it added up to 90 hrs. Considering no big issue that I had to restart. If I have to restart every single day like shutting down and then turning it on at home that will be twice a day. That’s double the amount. So I have spent from 90 hrs - 180 hrs on just turning on and off my laptop. If you were paid 10 dollar per hour, that would sum up to a wage of $ 900 to 1800 every 6 months. Well, not a big amount. That’s the hours I spent extra out of my own pocket. I have the urge to buy one laptop but I have two laptops at home… This clumsy one and the other best of the best untouched most of the time after I have done my courses. Why do I have to do this? When can I break this lousy laptop or computer curse? Although not what I can choose but next one I hope I don’t sound rude if I ask what they will give me for a working laptop. For a program, 8 Gb running media, it’s a big joke. But if just standalone should be alright. Anyway, the only thing that is holding me back from applying another job was the people here… Not sure if I can meet people like them again. They are hard to find. For every weakness, I also found strength. I clumsy head but I can tell. What should I do? I am tired of these. Just when I see hope, it became another disappointment. I felt like I am just wasting away my life and why don’t I just drop dead now. Why after going for so much hassle and then the end is still dying? Life is never worth anything while people held so much hope onto it and not wanting to let go. Why I am letting go but I am still alive. What’s so good about life anyway if all you do is trying hard to survive. What’s so good about counting the numbers and all we do is just counting down for eventually it will still come even without you counting. Life began and it was never up to you. Life ended and you probably chose ur own or somebody else did. Sometimes I seems to had it all but it is just what it seems. Probably what I truly have was nothing that I wanted. If there is no afterlife, probably I will just become nothing. Then it is probably why, our existence was just an illusion. Or until we have enough. 

Life is just about 💰 if u truly see it. We came to this world with nothing. From the moment we realise what the world is all about, was money. You were told to study hard even though some of the things meant nothing but so you can earn more and work more, and not because you wanted to know more. You work hard so you can earn more and not because you really like to do more. You make friends so you will have wider networks for more opportunities to make more money and not someone who you hoped as someone you can take as a companion or someone who care or someone who you can just do nothing with but always by your side through thick and thin and never about money. None of all was what I was looking for and I have no liking towards all that because it all links to money. Everything is about money in disguise. Even til death, it is still about money. What’s left was just money and nothing else. I guess the one who truly had it all was just not having any at all. It was the many mask we wore above all things for money. Who cares because you can’t live without money. It’s the most hateful thing on earth but you needed them. It filled everything with greed and wickedness. Humans probably dig their own grave most of the time.