😔

Freeze screen again….. I think ever since I completed Uni, I seldom faced freeze screen except for my working desktop or laptop. Whenever McAfee feels like scanning, they just scan and just crash whenever it wants. Have you ever thought about me, huh? Never, you just think about yourself!

It froze when I opened too many applications, McAfee scanning, Lost internet connection, Lost vpn connection… Every time, I felt like I finally get to the bottom of it, it froze, it slows down, it whatever problems… Ok, I lost some senses but I still got control of not slam it on the floor. Mostly because, my code is still in it and it is not my property. I wonder how to do work. Why do I always have the lousiest computer? I need that momentum and not only is it not making me faster as a coder but slowing down my progress. Argh. I felt like I am between walls whenever I used it. Easily bumping into any. From what I heard about the new restrictions to new computers, I felt like it would be on par with this one just that on different things. You give a hand and take away one leg. I worry. Tiring. Anyway, I guess there is always different solutions but the solutions were always driving a car can lead to accident so don’t let anyone drive. Driving a car is illegal kind of thing…

I guess it was just the same problem everywhere. Freelancing won’t have a fix salary but having a job does. I am wondering should I go for a freelance job. At the very least, I can use my own computer and it’s not going to crash. So far, the most, it just crash the app most of the time and not the whole laptop. Not very often though. No restrictions and up to me on how to set it up and no need to have so many password or having to use a password everytime I want to task kill or change something or to read email. Github does need password for big change but once setup was done, I don’t need to do that. Now I am very grateful for Github. I just hope I don’t forget everything that I have learnt about it. Sigh… What shall I do. Everytime I restart my computer or it lags, I don’t feel like working at all…. Now I have to find where I left off when it crashed and I force shutdown… It was not so bad if i just finished one part, it is bad if I am in the middle of it! 😠 Ok, don’t lose my 😎. Keep calm and if it doesn’t work just go to sleep… That’s just me trying to hypnotise myself. Adapt to the situation and don’t lose it. Anyway, there will be time I might really lose it. If things doesn’t work, it is time for reflection of why I wanted it in the first place. Up til a point it was overridden then that’s it. The slowness, Either I become like it or I don’t and lose control.

Forceful does not mean capability. It will only be good for a while and then it will starts to eat away everything.

I have another thought, why don’t I don’t use my own time to cover the lost time. Why don’t I just let it be? I worked a fix time and that’s it. Computer slow, computer crash.

Ok, almost one already. I just felt like killing time writing this down whenever it happened… I will just give this laptop another chance. If it does it again, I am not sure what I might do. Laptop, I am being forceful of u. If u works, well, my capability does a good job. 😔 If only I can do that. enough venting… I guess I can understand why people vent their anger on anything. Solution is not always better tools…

I used to use a typewriter to help my dad do his account or statement for his customer. I understand from there how big of an improvement since then. But comparing yourself to 20 years ago, that will be a bad comparison.