Back to Hummingbird

The possibility of seeing the hummingbird may be true. Last Friday I saw the bird flying out of its nest. It wasn’t the same one that I saw. It doesn’t have bright yellow front. It was much smaller and rounder. The way it flew is also different. I thought that was the bird I saw. Probably the hummingbird was attracted by the nest and attracted to that. I may indeed saw the fascinating little thing. If I could see it once more.

I got my iPhone purple and Shopee was selling it at a cheaper price today… hm… ah. For the same price I could have gotten a 256 GB. That’s double of what I had man. Now, I will have iPhone problem. Typing issues and still this typing thing a bit off. Correcting what I was typing. Sometimes I realised how living in denial was like. As long as it is an iPhone, it truly doesn’t matter meh? Every time I press the close button when I accidentally pressed the camera button. It opened up the camera and doesn’t close until I pressed the close button for a few more times… I mean that’s the problem I faced. Apart from the free stuff I use to get from Android. I can’t load a lot of stuff. I was thinking what to do with my iPhone. I found the writing app and realised typing it out without a keyboard is a nightmare though. I barely survive with this blog.

Self-reflection. I guess I will always have to remind myself. Seek Growth and not self-satisfaction. I shouldn’t deny a problem that I really had. Sometimes, it is easy to get those illusion and at times, got a slap back by life. Telling me that’s how I was too. Well, I got over it and probably their time will come too.

I don’t know how to handle personal relationships though. Not that I don’t care but I think I don’t have time to do that. There are tonnes of thing I haven’t do. I wonder how people managed family, friends and work life. I felt like I am only dealing with work life. Juggling while not knowing how to juggle. Am I good or bad? Probably really bad. Maybe I am just not meant for it and just stick to my introvert life. Trying to make things that doesn’t work out is just a waste of time. Things probably got worse. I am just not meant to be on earth as I always think I am. If everyone on earth is introvert, haha, c-19 probably will never happen. The only good thing that introvert is good at is keeping a social distance.

I wonder if I should do that for WhatsApp. I think personally messaging each other is more worthwhile than not even contributing to a group conversation which might annoys others who doesn’t want to read it. It could be more or none. Either way it is rude. Then to leave a group will it sounds rude too or they are just being kind not kicking me out. To be honest, sometimes it was hard to scroll back hundreds to thousands of messages and I just skim through. if I ask, people know I didn’t read it and if I don’t ask, I am not contributing to discussion. If I write too much, I am just plaguing the chat. I wonder how to balance. Hm… social awkwardness. Even when I am not seeing people ftf still it is as if I see them in real. The awkwardness is still there. When will I ever not feel this no matter how much I told myself not to. When and where will I ever be and not feel this.

Anyway, just typing these things out as my work laptop freezes again. Every time when I got an idea. Restarting done… work… rush… work… rush… I just don’t want to deal with people. Dealing with things are easier. People are more complicated than code if u ask me.