Sickening

 Got time, go and buy things. Pick the job you wanted to do then pretended to do a lot. When I was younger, I was asked to spend less. Sometimes I refused especially when I only spent on drink during meal outing (rare). That's the farthest I go. 1 dollar more or less. A car or Uni. 1 dollar for once in a while was what. Pretended to save a lot but spent so much on other things. Still people wanted to say. Ownself, don't know spend on what. When I went to primary school, dad always gave her 5-10 dollars to buy for us. Most of the time, we only bought 50 cents to 1 dollar stuff. Most money goes to her. When not in the same school anymore, we have 1 dollar each. Mostly saved on me. Books, no need. Toys, no need. Clothes, no need. When got work to do, then I am first choice. Then other siblings can buy their toys, books, MacBook, and even Car. I did nothing. Nobody ever cooked the meals. Nobody ever took over to look after the shop. The one who slept or watching TV or went travelling while I did the chores. When I wanted to go Uni, someone supposed to finish already still doing Uni. Younger siblings also need to go College or Uni. Not only that, you have to save up so that the older siblings or parent spendings can make it. Younger sibling can spend whatever he wants because he washed a few cups. Even got a room with own toilet, with air-conditioning, with new bed and tables. The rest can saved up by using the one from old house. Either for car or for Uni's debt which suddenly comes when I went Uni. Now, I did nothing. I wanted to spend on something I earned with my money and the things never bought for me whether I asked or not, and still this person wanted to say so much. I took a break from work, also talk so much. About the hairs if I am not wrong, I know who. Backstabbers. It wasn't an issue until someone make it big (always trying to make it as you are the one at fault). It came from own family. How can you trust your life with someone else. I know the lies. Sometimes, just shift the problems so that you don't have to deal with it. I guess the advice to people is don't have too many kids or don't if you are about 40. Because your kids will spend the time where they should be spending time to figure out their life but was worrying about you, the elderly parents, most of the time. Those time should be the time to achieve something. Then when you are older, they can spend their time with you as the job-wars were over. However, mine, everything was shifted. Everything was a lot more earlier for me. My point of existence probably was to become someone's stepping stone. Or to blame on. I didn't know how long my parents are going to live. One is 73 and one is 77 years old. What can I do now? Leave everything so that my last walk with them can happen. Ignore the fact that they are old, also the one who raised you, and continue with what I needed to do. I do know that I am always the leftover. Should I sacrifice the best time of my life? When they are gone, these things will probably go too and I can never do what I can do now? Lets say they lived another 10 years. I will be 46.... 46, I should be preparing for retirement liao, startup probably took more effort. Why I must always make useless sacrifice? They could have been in better situation and so do I. Yet, because of one scammer they believed in, everyone has to pay for it. This scammer puts everyone in hell. I think my parents definitely. One court-case that went on from when I started Uni until now. About 15 years of torture. Mum said not to curse but I really wanted to curse this opponent. Hope he rot in hell for being the rotten person he was. Now, it was going to end soon and yet, with other implications still required to be solved. They let us go through unnecessary hell. It should be a relief from selling the shophouse but it became a chaos because of this buyer. It then went on for years and years. Not only was it on our parents but also the time on our life. No matter how hard you try, it felt like you cannot get out of this mess on top of your own problem. Whatever it was, you have to bear with the consequences of your choice. They are people who got off the ship then started laughing at those who were still in the ship to get you to your destination. Shit you, scammer.