I found the clue that left me puzzled for a long time. I left a crucial clue. I saw it today. It means they are the gang. Actually, good acting can be bad. Bad acting can be good. Good people can be good but the one most likely to be good can be bad and not entirely bad. Bad people can be bad but not entirely bad. They have one goal in common though. People starts from in front of the mountain and I started from back. While I surpassed and still have to give out my bottle of water and make me the culprit. One thing I do know if something like this can go on for years and nobody actually gives anything, what did that mean? Sigh. This is tiring because it is all about tech debt. The beat around the bushes and plenty of lies and most worrying of all why do I need to answer for some products that people have spent for five years at least to perfect it but still not yet need what I feedback to do right? yet not wanting to mention about it. why? because if it is from me, it is not a solution. For this alone, it is wasting time. Truly one thing, I am the outsider. Still so I think. I don’t know how long, definitely each has an agenda on their own but some could be the victim of it at certain point of time. As always, I find troubles myself. I guess this part is true. If they know how it was done usually then they wouldn’t be this surprised. Culture was another thing. It wasn’t bad if I was the one who can start with the blame game. For five years and they have the right like they do now for my one year products but they didn’t. For one, they let me have more time. For two, for their own good. For three, for them to leverage time. For four, they needed to clear things without a trace. For five, they just needed me to find out the critical things that they missed out. To me, these missing things that weren’t important would not need to hire a person whose salary was high based on the word of mouth. An amount to clear things that wasn’t clear and also unknown. Is it worth it? I duno. If I were them, If I can clear if myself why would I spent so much to clear them? If it wasn’t a problem? For six, secrets. For seven, internal war. Politics? Well, it is a complicated politics that even the politician didn’t know they are involved. Either everyone is a victim or everyone is the assassin. Truthfully, there is a better way out if everyone is a victim but when everyone an assassin, everything is pointless even from the point when I was hired. I was just there in time for the war just as the previous. Or I just happened to be a volunteer to put apple on my head and get arrowed. My contribution is to get hit and if it hit my head, Sorry, you are dead. For the last, some part is to balance the atmosphere which can be somewhere they grey area that i shouldn’t touch. CCTV and monitoring was another thing. Remember I show I want to show and actually I didn’t really need to hide as most things were available online and nobody found it. Some parts were from my teachers while hardware part was from my previous jobs and also youtube. Thanks to those youtubers for their quality content though.
Once upon a time, while I was in a class. I sat on the last row probably because of my height. Actually I wasn’t that tall. I was assigned a class late because I missed out the division period after pmb. My math distinction but the rest so so. Surprising right and I barely do math now. Most of the time it was the environment that gave me the perks for doing well. I forgot to bring my compass and calculator for paper 2. How important that is to draw a circle and angle. I managed to sketch. I measured the angle using the ruler and imagine it is a protractor. Roughly, I guessed the angle. I was damn cold even the weather was hot and I was in Tudong. That was the last question and it decides everything. I think I am two points shy from 100. I thought it was the angle but turns out my angle was correct. The teacher minus two points because no one should get 100 or I get one question wrong which I don’t remember. My English teacher. I don’t talk a lot as I went to secondary school. I spoke to none. I am not someone who is good at language but I do enjoy reading. He just passed me a book written by Roald Dahl. Charlie and The chocolate factory. He encouraged a lot of conversation in English on how to speak. I never get the hang of speaking but soon I was speaking to a white guy. He told me my English is good. I think he can add on a bit more at the back. Like for a Chinese. Everything, I learn a bit here and there to get by but never more to be an expert. I got to 4A carrying my desk. It was only two weeks. My MIB teacher suddenly walked towards me in the middle of the lesson. Walked right in front of me and stared into my eyes. I stared back. He said and smiled, “oh, I thought you were sleeping” and walked back to the front of class. When I stared at the screen. I am staring at the screen. When people stared into the screen, they are doing work. People thought I weren’t thinking when I am thinking. I guess that was when I started to think out loud. So that people know I am alive. Actually, thinking out loud was also a good point for me sometimes. It makes things clearer as I arrange them in words especially for me who don’t even like words. Well, I am almost done now but one little part that left me hanging was why people focus so much on me. Why don’t they mind their own business and always need to put in a thought from how I looked to what I say? I do know what they are doing but at times it was the wrong direction. Shall I tell them? No point. Shall I let them? No point. Everything was pointless in short. I don’t even know why. It was suppose to be the other way round but I don’t do it unless I know the reason behind you doing it is because you are that kind of person. If you are not and due to influences, I am sure it is, I would ignore. don’t do it if you don’t want others to do to you. Do it to the person who did it to you. good and bad. Woman don’t have as much time as guys to waste. My parents can’t wait for me just because of some guys issue. I don’t think it was meant to be done. I am tired actually not from coding. Tired of being the politician who has to be one without being one but actually one. Confusing? Yes. That’s right. Because that is the situation I was in for the amount of money the whole company knows but I didn’t know theirs. Everyday feels more awkward. Not more familiar. Development, developing, and shall I continue. I already provided more than my worth of share. you go study for one year course already took how much. Why should you teach me or handheld me was what was communicated? well Same for me? Maybe they should hire a teacher if they want the solution. even when we go school, they teach basic and most others were spontaneous learning and at your own pace. I was wondering where shall I draw a line. There should be a referee line somewhere that I give enough but I guess up to the point where it worked. I say wrong, it is my fault. Don’t say also my fault. Actually it was based on these two little points, I concluded what J have previously guessed. Today, was the third point. One other point was because they make the same remarks that I know they were in it together. buying time and burying. The third point confirmed what I say. I guess people who were in these industries just like these? at first, I didn’t think it was. Me, I am half green and half blue. I know certain things but I also have things that I do not know. Another part of me, I just want to get these done and be gone because I finally realised I was in the wrong place at the right time. At least, I wouldn’t be in this situation whereby I still wonder if I am the coverup. I always choose the wrong one at the last minute. Before I reached the carrot, I decided to give up just because I already have the carrot. Should I be greedy? Should I seek more for money than a hobby? I began to understand the choices people make. Why they avoided? I guess I just brain freeze or seek troubles for myself. Copying without telling was another thing. Actually most part I didn’t follow exactly what I wrote for previous job.I tried to change it but it is best to follow the flow but it was not at all easier to implement so I wrote my own version. coding all online can find. Only the one you truly improvised for your use is worth it. Else AI can do it. I don’t know who is with me so I tried to be neutral. For the one who has been “unkind”, I let you be who you are. Last but not least, their vulgarities. That’s the push factors and lead me to believe. They are talking none sensible things to me sometimes. I can’t tell the starting point. the endless, trying to cause me troubles than trying to do the job for it to be done instead. So, don’t blame me for shunning discussion with you because you are not using tech but politics. This part I am not sorry. I have more things to do than politics and my time is limited. Since I was paid. I should just do my work than talk right? I don’t have the luxury to talk. When shall I brought this up? well other things, they just wants to get things from me. Not really to keep me at this price. I begin to wonder why I got the job though. Or they just trying. Hm… it is not tech company and it is not a startup but it is quite amazing that it grows and kept as it is. Surviving. Paying another person to do new thing was high risk. Doing old things were even higher because all obsolete. So they all get to do until obsolete but cut my time. Yet, they did so despite kept on thinking about the next payment. Each of them have better people who can do the job but why not? I for one, if I wanted to start tech biz, I gotta do my own to save cost and also it is part of the meaning to create your own tech. That is beyond my current job scope. dilemma. questions. vibes. cultural shift or sensitivity. odd combinations and different understanding. i ran out of vocab. writing these in the middle of night. i guess i just sort out the basic things. close your eyes when there are things you don’t want to see. When you have stuffy nose, your ears don’t hear as much. It is God’s guidance? or is it a missed out thing that I should miss out?
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