Literally mentally sound. I bought a Philips fan. I used speed 2 because when I set up, on Speed 1, I couldn’t hear the sound of wind blowing. Speed 2 was very powerful and sounded much like the old fan. I was sick for 2 days. Sinus or whatever because I couldn’t tell. Blocked nose is a daily thing to me. I was really cold but felt like Speed 1 won’t give me air circulation. Today, I cleaned up my room before the new year comes. Cleared a lot of dust and how I placed things, make things easier to clean within like half a day. Wait. Back to the main thread. I tried Speed 1 now. The wind was blowing fine but I couldn’t hear the usual wind blowing sound so I was a bit worried and felt too unusual in a room so quiet suddenly. I realised I bought the silent type of fan…. But the sound for speed 1 and 2 are heaven and hell difference. Why don’t they allow us to adjust the sound of the wind blowing? I dared not try speed 3. It could be helicopter kind of sound probably. The room is so quiet. I can hear the quietness. If you knew total quietness, it is actually kind of noisy. It is like the silent type of tv that loses signal or no signal. Everything outside from the cars engine (not the silent type unfortunately) to things dropping here and there, my own breathing, Bus stopping, and setting off. Hope tomorrow morning I won’t hear it though. Else I will have to wake up at 6am than the planned time. Sleep disturbance. I can hear footsteps now. Light turning off from the wall either from our neighbour next door or above or below. Oh, they just closed their door. Think the last bus is around 1am. It landed right outside and downstairs. There is a bus stop right beside the window. I can see it from my room. Glad I am on the 8th floor. Every morning I woke up to this sound though and before I sleep. Strange thing was I never dreamt about being on a bus. 14 years of listening to it and I realised the importance of a noisy fan wind blowing sound. They should make a noise cancellation fan. Then it is considered silent.
有些事就只能是遗憾。这是一堂课。最难的一堂课。我想我唯一办到的就是当了工程师。剩下的就只能是遗憾。如果少了这一点我想那我就完全是个遗憾。我想走到这一步，并不是我自己一个人能走的。它不是天上掉下来的。是我在井里时看到别人丢给我的一条绳子。我就抓住了它。好久好久。有的时候好想放开却又不放。松了又紧握着。一层一层的用力爬。遇到各种各样的问题，我一直找答案。以前大人都说难题放一边，要先做简单的题目。这样可以拿一些分数。可是我不知道为什么我说不听。我喜欢从第一题做到最后。当我有一题不会做的时候我会很难受。放不开的一直在那题绕着死都不放。如果在考试结束了我还做不到，这个关我过不了。会一直留在心里。非常难受。很难受。 如果我可以在结束前想到答案，就算我好多题都没有答，那一天我还是会很开心的。应为我解决了一个难题。成就感比及格更重要。当然我妈的藤编是躲不过的。我想我是自讨苦吃。长大了我就会在乎分数。很不愿意的都先答我会的。。。虽然是这么做了，可是我很痛苦。。。有时候会习惯的一直先解决觉得比较难的问题。然后一堆很快可以解决的却放一边。。。瓶颈在哪里我就会在哪里。拿着罐头开，死命的敲。就算所有的小事都解决了，这个瓶颈还是过不了。尽然过不了，那些小事就白做了。有的时候那里来的选择。人走的每一段路都会有难题。你跳过了。问题会追着你跑。幸运的可以搭顺风车逃离。不幸运的会被问题追上。勇敢的就去面对问题。我只觉得小时候的勇敢，不怕考试不及格就为了那一题已经没有了。只能靠着只想普普通通的过一关算一关。能躲一关也是一关。 小时候的梦想其实只是长大以后的笑话。只是一点都不好笑。想去的演唱会，想做的事。。。会跟着时间消失。。。就是完成不了的。不是努力就可以的。。。感受也会慢慢的麻木。梦想如果可以真实一点失望就不会那么大。虽然有一些动力但是是不对的动力。有些事也改变不了了。别人以为的小事。如果你经历过，在和我说是小事。我不会报复性的说这只是小事。应为我知道不是。如果我不是以前的我，我不会这么做。应为以前的我也觉得是小事。
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