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你好，疯子

I seriously have no memory of a lot of things that used to be so clear on my mind. Yesterday, I watched a chinese movie called "你好，疯子" or "The Insanity". It is among a few of shows or movies that I found to be quite scary. It wasn't a scary movie though. It is very disturbing. At one point, I felt like I was one of them for a certain period of time.

Are we all just a dream or an illusion? Or were we once crazy? If a crazy person has seen this movie, will they understand that at all. Or is it because I am normal, that I understood? Or have I ever crossed a point of becoming crazy but took a step back?

The movie plot was something that I had encountered when I felt the furthest from reality. The feeling of being suffocated and drowning deep down in a sea. The struggles to breathe or to wake up. It was only when I woke up, I found myself not breathing at all and started gasping for air. It's like I suddenly forgot how to breathe or can't breathe at all. When I saw that part, creeps started to crawl into my mind. Is that what people felt at a certain point of life? Or it was what the author has felt? The author couldn't be crazy right?

That time my dream seemed so real and I woke up but I didn't in fact. As if, I went down another dimension. It was the most depressed moment of my life. The second time, I woke up but in fact, I didn't again. The endless dream. I realised, I was in a dream and I didn't know how to wake up. No matter how I tried, I couldn't get out. What's real and what's not. What if I never wake up. With that thought, I wonder, for those crazy people out there, maybe they are indeed in a different dimension. The mind and body were just separated and they do not know how to get out of it. Forever trapped? Just like the dream that I had. If I didn't wake up, I would forever be trapped? Who's me and who's not? or they were all just me? Do medication helped at all or they were just there to make people think it actually worked?

Sometimes, we put too much responsibilities on ourselves. Too ready to give. Then slowly, responsibilities started draining away all your thoughts and minds. If you never realise that or put a stop to it, the results can be scary. I guess what I have learnt, is knowing how to balance them.



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